hobokenchicken
9579f814c5
- Replaced profane words with family-friendly alternatives: - 'clusterfuck' → 'mess' - 'fuckups' → 'incidents' - 'bullshit' → 'questionable' - 'shit' → removed or replaced - Updated CSS class names from 'shit-list' to 'blame-list' - Removed encouragement to use profanity in form placeholder - Updated JavaScript variable names and text content - Maintained humorous tone while making site family-friendly - Should prevent adult content filters from flagging the site
842 lines
27 KiB
HTML
842 lines
27 KiB
HTML
<!DOCTYPE html>
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<html lang="en">
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<head>
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<meta charset="UTF-8">
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<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0">
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<title>IT'S DUSTIN'S FAULT — Official Blame Portal</title>
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<link rel="preconnect" href="https://fonts.googleapis.com">
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<link rel="preconnect" href="https://fonts.gstatic.com" crossorigin>
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<link href="https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=IBM+Plex+Mono:wght@400;600;700&family=Share+Tech+Mono&display=swap" rel="stylesheet">
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<style>
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:root {
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--terminal-bg: #000;
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--terminal-text: #0f0;
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--terminal-red: #f00;
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--terminal-yellow: #ff0;
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--terminal-cyan: #0ff;
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--terminal-magenta: #f0f;
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--terminal-amber: #ff9900;
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--terminal-green: #00ff00;
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}
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* {
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margin: 0;
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padding: 0;
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box-sizing: border-box;
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}
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body {
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font-family: 'IBM Plex Mono', monospace;
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background: var(--terminal-bg);
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color: var(--terminal-text);
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min-height: 100vh;
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padding: 10px;
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overflow-x: hidden;
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position: relative;
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}
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@media (min-width: 768px) {
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body {
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padding: 20px;
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}
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}
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body::before {
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content: '';
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position: fixed;
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top: 0;
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left: 0;
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right: 0;
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bottom: 0;
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background: repeating-linear-gradient(
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0deg,
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rgba(0, 255, 0, 0.03) 0px,
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rgba(0, 255, 0, 0.03) 1px,
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transparent 1px,
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transparent 2px
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);
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pointer-events: none;
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z-index: 9999;
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}
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.scanline {
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position: fixed;
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top: 0;
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left: 0;
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right: 0;
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height: 4px;
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background: linear-gradient(to bottom, transparent, rgba(0, 255, 0, 0.3), transparent);
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animation: scan 3s linear infinite;
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pointer-events: none;
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z-index: 10000;
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}
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@keyframes scan {
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0% { top: 0; }
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100% { top: 100%; }
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}
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.header {
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text-align: center;
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margin-bottom: 20px;
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padding: 15px;
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border: 3px solid var(--terminal-red);
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background: rgba(255, 0, 0, 0.1);
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position: relative;
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overflow: hidden;
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}
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@media (min-width: 768px) {
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.header {
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margin-bottom: 30px;
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padding: 20px;
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}
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}
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.header::before {
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content: '⚠️ WARNING: DUSTIN DETECTED ⚠️';
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position: absolute;
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top: 0;
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left: 0;
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right: 0;
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background: var(--terminal-red);
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color: black;
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font-weight: bold;
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padding: 5px;
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animation: warning-blink 1s infinite;
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}
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.dustin-face {
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font-size: 3em;
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margin-bottom: 10px;
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animation: face-shake 3s infinite;
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}
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@keyframes face-shake {
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0%, 100% { transform: rotate(0deg); }
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25% { transform: rotate(5deg); }
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75% { transform: rotate(-5deg); }
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}
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@keyframes warning-blink {
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0%, 100% { opacity: 1; }
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50% { opacity: 0.5; }
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}
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.title {
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font-family: 'Share Tech Mono', monospace;
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font-size: 2em;
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color: var(--terminal-red);
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text-shadow: 0 0 10px var(--terminal-red);
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margin: 15px 0;
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letter-spacing: 1px;
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}
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@media (min-width: 480px) {
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.title {
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font-size: 2.5em;
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letter-spacing: 2px;
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}
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}
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@media (min-width: 768px) {
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.title {
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font-size: 3.5em;
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margin: 20px 0;
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}
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}
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.subtitle {
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color: var(--terminal-yellow);
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font-size: 1.2em;
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margin-bottom: 10px;
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}
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.tagline {
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color: var(--terminal-cyan);
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font-style: italic;
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margin-bottom: 20px;
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}
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.stats-grid {
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display: grid;
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grid-template-columns: 1fr;
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gap: 15px;
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margin-bottom: 30px;
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}
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@media (min-width: 480px) {
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.stats-grid {
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grid-template-columns: repeat(2, 1fr);
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}
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}
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@media (min-width: 768px) {
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.stats-grid {
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grid-template-columns: repeat(auto-fit, minmax(250px, 1fr));
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gap: 20px;
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}
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}
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.stat-card {
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background: rgba(0, 255, 0, 0.05);
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border: 1px solid var(--terminal-green);
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padding: 15px;
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border-radius: 5px;
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position: relative;
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overflow: hidden;
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}
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@media (min-width: 768px) {
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.stat-card {
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padding: 20px;
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}
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}
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.stat-card.critical {
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border-color: var(--terminal-red);
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background: rgba(255, 0, 0, 0.1);
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animation: pulse 2s infinite;
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}
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@keyframes pulse {
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0%, 100% { box-shadow: 0 0 5px var(--terminal-red); }
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50% { box-shadow: 0 0 20px var(--terminal-red); }
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}
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.stat-label {
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color: var(--terminal-cyan);
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font-size: 0.9em;
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text-transform: uppercase;
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letter-spacing: 1px;
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margin-bottom: 10px;
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}
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.stat-value {
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font-size: 1.8em;
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font-weight: bold;
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color: var(--terminal-red);
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}
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@media (min-width: 480px) {
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.stat-value {
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font-size: 2.2em;
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}
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}
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@media (min-width: 768px) {
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.stat-value {
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font-size: 2.5em;
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}
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}
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.stat-value.green {
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color: var(--terminal-green);
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}
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.stat-value.yellow {
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color: var(--terminal-yellow);
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}
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.rage-meter {
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height: 10px;
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background: rgba(255, 0, 0, 0.2);
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border-radius: 5px;
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margin-top: 10px;
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overflow: hidden;
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}
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.rage-fill {
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height: 100%;
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background: linear-gradient(90deg, var(--terminal-red), var(--terminal-amber));
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border-radius: 5px;
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transition: width 0.5s ease;
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}
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.blame-list {
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margin-top: 20px;
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padding-top: 15px;
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border-top: 1px solid var(--terminal-green);
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}
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.blame-list-title {
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color: var(--terminal-yellow);
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font-weight: bold;
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margin-bottom: 10px;
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font-size: 1.1em;
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}
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.blame-item {
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padding: 8px 0;
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border-bottom: 1px dashed rgba(0, 255, 0, 0.3);
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color: var(--terminal-text);
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font-size: 0.9em;
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}
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.blame-item:last-child {
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border-bottom: none;
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}
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.footer {
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text-align: center;
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margin-top: 30px;
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padding-top: 20px;
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border-top: 1px solid var(--terminal-green);
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color: var(--terminal-cyan);
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font-size: 0.9em;
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}
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.footer p {
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margin: 10px 0;
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}
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.easter-egg {
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color: var(--terminal-magenta);
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cursor: pointer;
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text-decoration: underline;
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margin-top: 15px;
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display: inline-block;
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}
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.easter-egg:hover {
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color: var(--terminal-red);
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}
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.main-content {
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display: grid;
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grid-template-columns: 1fr;
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gap: 20px;
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margin-bottom: 30px;
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}
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@media (min-width: 1024px) {
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.main-content {
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grid-template-columns: 2fr 1fr;
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gap: 30px;
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}
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}
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.incident-log {
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background: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8);
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border: 2px solid var(--terminal-green);
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padding: 15px;
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border-radius: 5px;
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max-height: 400px;
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overflow-y: auto;
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}
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@media (min-width: 768px) {
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.incident-log {
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padding: 20px;
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max-height: 600px;
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}
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}
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.sidebar {
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background: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8);
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border: 2px solid var(--terminal-green);
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padding: 20px;
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border-radius: 5px;
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display: flex;
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flex-direction: column;
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gap: 20px;
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}
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@media (min-width: 768px) {
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.sidebar {
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padding: 25px;
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}
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}
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.log-header {
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display: flex;
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flex-direction: column;
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gap: 15px;
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margin-bottom: 20px;
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padding-bottom: 10px;
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border-bottom: 1px solid var(--terminal-green);
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}
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@media (min-width: 768px) {
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.log-header {
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flex-direction: row;
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justify-content: space-between;
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align-items: center;
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}
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}
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.log-title {
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font-size: 1.5em;
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color: var(--terminal-yellow);
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}
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.controls {
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display: flex;
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flex-wrap: wrap;
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gap: 10px;
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justify-content: center;
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}
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@media (min-width: 768px) {
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.controls {
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justify-content: flex-end;
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}
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}
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.control-btn {
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background: var(--terminal-bg);
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border: 1px solid var(--terminal-cyan);
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color: var(--terminal-cyan);
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padding: 8px 15px;
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cursor: pointer;
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font-family: 'IBM Plex Mono', monospace;
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border-radius: 3px;
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transition: all 0.3s;
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}
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.control-btn:hover {
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background: var(--terminal-cyan);
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color: var(--terminal-bg);
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}
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.control-btn.danger {
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border-color: var(--terminal-red);
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color: var(--terminal-red);
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}
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.control-btn.danger:hover {
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background: var(--terminal-red);
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color: var(--terminal-bg);
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}
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.form-group {
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margin-bottom: 20px;
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}
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.form-group label {
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display: block;
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color: var(--terminal-yellow);
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margin-bottom: 8px;
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font-weight: bold;
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}
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.form-group select,
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.form-group textarea {
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width: 100%;
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background: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.7);
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border: 1px solid var(--terminal-green);
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color: var(--terminal-text);
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font-family: 'IBM Plex Mono', monospace;
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padding: 10px;
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border-radius: 3px;
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font-size: 0.9em;
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}
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.form-group select:focus,
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.form-group textarea:focus {
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outline: none;
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border-color: var(--terminal-cyan);
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box-shadow: 0 0 10px var(--terminal-cyan);
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}
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.form-group textarea {
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min-height: 100px;
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resize: vertical;
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}
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.blame-generator, .apology-generator {
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background: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.7);
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border: 2px solid var(--terminal-green);
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padding: 20px;
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border-radius: 5px;
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margin-bottom: 20px;
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}
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.blame-title, .apology-title {
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color: var(--terminal-red);
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font-weight: bold;
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text-align: center;
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margin-bottom: 15px;
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font-size: 1.2em;
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text-transform: uppercase;
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letter-spacing: 1px;
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border-bottom: 1px solid var(--terminal-green);
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padding-bottom: 10px;
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}
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.apology-title {
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color: var(--terminal-magenta);
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}
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.apology-display {
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background: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.9);
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border: 1px solid var(--terminal-magenta);
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padding: 15px;
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border-radius: 3px;
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min-height: 80px;
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margin-bottom: 15px;
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font-style: italic;
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color: var(--terminal-text);
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}
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.submit-btn, .generate-btn, .nuclear-option {
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background: var(--terminal-bg);
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border: 2px solid var(--terminal-red);
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color: var(--terminal-red);
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padding: 12px 20px;
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cursor: pointer;
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font-family: 'IBM Plex Mono', monospace;
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font-weight: bold;
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border-radius: 5px;
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transition: all 0.3s;
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width: 100%;
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margin-top: 15px;
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text-transform: uppercase;
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letter-spacing: 1px;
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}
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.submit-btn:hover {
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background: var(--terminal-red);
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color: var(--terminal-bg);
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box-shadow: 0 0 15px var(--terminal-red);
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}
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.generate-btn {
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border-color: var(--terminal-magenta);
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color: var(--terminal-magenta);
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}
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.generate-btn:hover {
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background: var(--terminal-magenta);
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color: var(--terminal-bg);
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box-shadow: 0 0 15px var(--terminal-magenta);
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}
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.nuclear-option {
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border-color: var(--terminal-amber);
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color: var(--terminal-amber);
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font-size: 1.1em;
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padding: 15px;
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margin-top: 20px;
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animation: nuclear-pulse 2s infinite;
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}
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.nuclear-option:hover {
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background: var(--terminal-amber);
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color: var(--terminal-bg);
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box-shadow: 0 0 20px var(--terminal-amber);
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animation: none;
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}
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@keyframes nuclear-pulse {
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0%, 100% { box-shadow: 0 0 10px var(--terminal-amber); }
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50% { box-shadow: 0 0 25px var(--terminal-amber); }
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}
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.incident {
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margin-bottom: 15px;
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padding: 15px;
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border-left: 4px solid var(--terminal-green);
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background: rgba(0, 255, 0, 0.05);
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animation: fadeIn 0.5s;
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}
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@keyframes fadeIn {
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from { opacity: 0; transform: translateY(-10px); }
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to { opacity: 1; transform: translateY(0); }
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}
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</style>
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</head>
|
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<body>
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<div class="scanline"></div>
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<div class="header">
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<div class="dustin-face">🤦♂️</div>
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<h1 class="title">IT'S DUSTIN'S FAULT</h1>
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<div class="subtitle">Official Corporate Blame Allocation System</div>
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<div class="tagline">Because someone has to take responsibility for this mess</div>
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</div>
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<div class="stats-grid">
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<div class="stat-card critical">
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<div class="stat-label">Total Incidents Blamed on Dustin</div>
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<div class="stat-value" id="total-incidents">1,247</div>
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<div class="rage-meter">
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<div class="rage-fill" id="rage-meter" style="width: 100%"></div>
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</div>
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</div>
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<div class="stat-card">
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<div class="stat-label">Current Blame Percentage</div>
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<div class="stat-value" id="blame-percentage">100%</div>
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<div class="stat-label">(Yes, even for things that haven't happened yet)</div>
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</div>
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<div class="stat-card">
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<div class="stat-label">Dustin's Apologies Generated</div>
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<div class="stat-value green" id="apologies-count">42</div>
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<div class="stat-label">(All of them questionable)</div>
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</div>
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<div class="stat-card">
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<div class="stat-label">Hours Wasted Blaming Dustin</div>
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<div class="stat-value yellow" id="hours-wasted">3,728</div>
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<div class="stat-label">(Productivity: -∞)</div>
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</div>
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</div>
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<div class="main-content">
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<div class="incident-log">
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<div class="log-header">
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<div class="log-title">LIVE INCIDENT FEED — Everything is Dustin's Fault</div>
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<div class="controls">
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<button class="control-btn" id="auto-add">Auto-Blame Dustin</button>
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<button class="control-btn danger" id="clear-log">Clear Log (Dustin's Idea)</button>
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<span class="sound-toggle" id="sound-toggle">🔊 Sound: ON</span>
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</div>
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</div>
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<div id="log">
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<!-- Incidents will be added here -->
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</div>
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<div class="blame-list">
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<div class="blame-list-title">Dustin's Greatest Hits (Recent Incidents):</div>
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<div class="blame-item">Spilled coffee on the CEO's laptop during board meeting</div>
|
|
<div class="blame-item">Accidentally deleted the entire customer database (twice)</div>
|
|
<div class="blame-item">Set the office thermostat to "Sahara Desert" mode</div>
|
|
<div class="blame-item">Replied-all to company-wide email with questionable content</div>
|
|
<div class="blame-item">Scheduled server maintenance for Christmas Day</div>
|
|
</div>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<div class="sidebar">
|
|
<div class="blame-generator">
|
|
<div class="blame-title">OFFICIAL BLAME SUBMISSION FORM</div>
|
|
<form class="blame-form" id="blame-form">
|
|
<div class="form-group">
|
|
<label for="severity">How Bad Did Dustin Mess Up?</label>
|
|
<select id="severity" required>
|
|
<option value="minor">Minor Inconvenience (Dustin's specialty)</option>
|
|
<option value="warning">Warning Level (Dustin was involved)</option>
|
|
<option value="critical" selected>Critical Failure (Classic Dustin)</option>
|
|
<option value="apocalyptic">Apocalyptic Disaster (Dustin was in charge)</option>
|
|
</select>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<div class="form-group">
|
|
<label for="description">Describe Dustin's Latest Mess-up:</label>
|
|
<textarea id="description" placeholder="Be specific. We won't judge." required></textarea>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<button type="submit" class="submit-btn">BLAME DUSTIN OFFICIALLY</button>
|
|
</form>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<div class="apology-generator">
|
|
<div class="apology-title">DUSTIN'S APOLOGY GENERATOR™</div>
|
|
<div class="apology-display" id="apology-display">
|
|
Click below to generate a fresh questionable apology from Dustin...
|
|
</div>
|
|
<button class="generate-btn" id="generate-apology">GENERATE QUESTIONABLE APOLOGY</button>
|
|
<div style="text-align: center; margin-top: 10px; font-size: 0.8em; color: var(--terminal-magenta);">
|
|
Sincerity Level: <span id="sincerity-level">0%</span>
|
|
</div>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<button class="nuclear-option" id="nuclear-option">
|
|
🚨 NUCLEAR OPTION: FIRE DUSTIN 🚨
|
|
</button>
|
|
<div style="text-align: center; margin-top: 20px;">
|
|
<a href="/cgi-bin/blame-dustin.cgi" style="color: var(--terminal-cyan); text-decoration: none; border: 1px solid var(--terminal-cyan); padding: 10px; display: block;">
|
|
🐄 ACCESS THE COWSAY BLAME INTERFACE 🐄
|
|
</a>
|
|
</div>
|
|
</div>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<div class="footer">
|
|
<p>© 2026 Corporate Blame Allocation Division — All faults reserved.</p>
|
|
<p>This system is 100% accurate because Dustin is always at fault. Don't @ us.</p>
|
|
<p>Total system uptime: <span id="uptime">99.9%</span> (the 0.1% downtime was Dustin's fault too)</p>
|
|
<p class="easter-egg" id="easter-egg">Click here if you actually like Dustin (you monster)</p>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<script>
|
|
document.addEventListener('DOMContentLoaded', function() {
|
|
// DOM Elements
|
|
const blameForm = document.getElementById('blame-form');
|
|
const generateApologyBtn = document.getElementById('generate-apology');
|
|
const nuclearOptionBtn = document.getElementById('nuclear-option');
|
|
const autoAddBtn = document.getElementById('auto-add');
|
|
const clearLogBtn = document.getElementById('clear-log');
|
|
const soundToggle = document.getElementById('sound-toggle');
|
|
const logContainer = document.getElementById('log');
|
|
const totalIncidents = document.getElementById('total-incidents');
|
|
const apologiesCount = document.getElementById('apologies-count');
|
|
const hoursWasted = document.getElementById('hours-wasted');
|
|
const apologyDisplay = document.getElementById('apology-display');
|
|
const sincerityLevel = document.getElementById('sincerity-level');
|
|
const easterEgg = document.getElementById('easter-egg');
|
|
|
|
// State
|
|
let soundEnabled = true;
|
|
let incidentCount = 1247;
|
|
let apologyCount = 42;
|
|
let hoursCount = 3728;
|
|
|
|
// Incident templates
|
|
const incidents = [
|
|
"Dustin forgot to renew the SSL certificate — again.",
|
|
"Dustin scheduled the database backup during peak hours.",
|
|
"Dustin 'accidentally' pushed to production on a Friday afternoon.",
|
|
"Dustin's 'quick fix' broke the entire login system.",
|
|
"Dustin used the CEO's account to test the new spam filter.",
|
|
"Dustin thought 'rm -rf /' was a good way to free up disk space.",
|
|
"Dustin set the password policy to 'password123' for 'convenience'.",
|
|
"Dustin uploaded the customer database to a public GitHub repo.",
|
|
"Dustin replied to a phishing email with admin credentials.",
|
|
"Dustin thought blockchain would solve our inventory tracking issues."
|
|
];
|
|
|
|
// Apology templates
|
|
const apologies = [
|
|
"My bad, I thought that was the test environment. Whoops!",
|
|
"In my defense, the documentation was unclear. And by unclear, I mean non-existent.",
|
|
"That was a feature, not a bug. You just don't understand my vision.",
|
|
"It worked on my machine. Must be a you problem.",
|
|
"I was following industry best practices. From 1998.",
|
|
"The AI told me to do it. Can't argue with the algorithm, right?",
|
|
"I was trying to be proactive. Turns out, proactivity causes outages.",
|
|
"It's not my fault — the system was designed to fail. I just... helped.",
|
|
"I was optimizing for scalability. Current scalability: zero.",
|
|
"Look, we all make mistakes. Mine just happen to take down entire systems."
|
|
];
|
|
|
|
// Sound effects
|
|
function playSound(type) {
|
|
if (!soundEnabled) return;
|
|
|
|
const audioContext = new (window.AudioContext || window.webkitAudioContext)();
|
|
const oscillator = audioContext.createOscillator();
|
|
const gainNode = audioContext.createGain();
|
|
|
|
oscillator.connect(gainNode);
|
|
gainNode.connect(audioContext.destination);
|
|
|
|
switch(type) {
|
|
case 'blame':
|
|
oscillator.frequency.setValueAtTime(440, audioContext.currentTime);
|
|
oscillator.type = 'sawtooth';
|
|
gainNode.gain.setValueAtTime(0.1, audioContext.currentTime);
|
|
gainNode.gain.exponentialRampToValueAtTime(0.01, audioContext.currentTime + 0.5);
|
|
oscillator.start();
|
|
oscillator.stop(audioContext.currentTime + 0.5);
|
|
break;
|
|
case 'apology':
|
|
oscillator.frequency.setValueAtTime(220, audioContext.currentTime);
|
|
oscillator.type = 'sine';
|
|
gainNode.gain.setValueAtTime(0.05, audioContext.currentTime);
|
|
gainNode.gain.exponentialRampToValueAtTime(0.01, audioContext.currentTime + 1);
|
|
oscillator.start();
|
|
oscillator.stop(audioContext.currentTime + 1);
|
|
break;
|
|
case 'nuclear':
|
|
oscillator.frequency.setValueAtTime(55, audioContext.currentTime);
|
|
oscillator.frequency.exponentialRampToValueAtTime(880, audioContext.currentTime + 2);
|
|
oscillator.type = 'square';
|
|
gainNode.gain.setValueAtTime(0.2, audioContext.currentTime);
|
|
gainNode.gain.exponentialRampToValueAtTime(0.01, audioContext.currentTime + 2);
|
|
oscillator.start();
|
|
oscillator.stop(audioContext.currentTime + 2);
|
|
break;
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
// Add incident to log
|
|
function addIncident(text, severity = 'critical') {
|
|
const incident = document.createElement('div');
|
|
incident.className = 'incident';
|
|
|
|
const timestamp = new Date().toLocaleTimeString();
|
|
const severityColors = {
|
|
minor: 'var(--terminal-green)',
|
|
warning: 'var(--terminal-yellow)',
|
|
critical: 'var(--terminal-red)',
|
|
apocalyptic: 'var(--terminal-magenta)'
|
|
};
|
|
|
|
incident.innerHTML = `
|
|
<div style="display: flex; justify-content: space-between; margin-bottom: 5px;">
|
|
<strong style="color: ${severityColors[severity]}">[${severity.toUpperCase()}]</strong>
|
|
<span style="color: var(--terminal-cyan); font-size: 0.9em;">${timestamp}</span>
|
|
</div>
|
|
<div>${text}</div>
|
|
`;
|
|
|
|
logContainer.insertBefore(incident, logContainer.firstChild);
|
|
|
|
// Limit log to 20 items
|
|
if (logContainer.children.length > 20) {
|
|
logContainer.removeChild(logContainer.lastChild);
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
// Update stats
|
|
incidentCount++;
|
|
hoursCount += Math.floor(Math.random() * 5) + 1;
|
|
updateStats();
|
|
|
|
// Play sound
|
|
playSound('blame');
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
// Update statistics display
|
|
function updateStats() {
|
|
totalIncidents.textContent = incidentCount.toLocaleString();
|
|
apologiesCount.textContent = apologyCount;
|
|
hoursWasted.textContent = hoursCount.toLocaleString();
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
// Generate random apology
|
|
function generateApology() {
|
|
const apology = apologies[Math.floor(Math.random() * apologies.length)];
|
|
const sincerity = Math.floor(Math.random() * 101);
|
|
|
|
apologyDisplay.textContent = `"${apology}"`;
|
|
sincerityLevel.textContent = `${sincerity}%`;
|
|
|
|
apologyCount++;
|
|
updateStats();
|
|
|
|
// Play sound
|
|
playSound('apology');
|
|
|
|
// Visual feedback
|
|
apologyDisplay.style.animation = 'none';
|
|
setTimeout(() => {
|
|
apologyDisplay.style.animation = 'fadeIn 0.5s';
|
|
}, 10);
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
// Nuclear option
|
|
function activateNuclearOption() {
|
|
if (!confirm("🚨 WARNING: This will fire Dustin permanently! 🚨\n\nAre you absolutely sure? (This action cannot be undone and will probably make things worse)")) {
|
|
return;
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
// Clear the log
|
|
logContainer.innerHTML = '';
|
|
|
|
// Add nuclear incident
|
|
addIncident("🚨 NUCLEAR OPTION ACTIVATED: DUSTIN HAS BEEN TERMINATED 🚨", 'apocalyptic');
|
|
addIncident("System stability: CRITICAL - Without Dustin to blame, reality is collapsing", 'apocalyptic');
|
|
addIncident("Paradox detected: If Dustin is fired, who do we blame for firing Dustin?", 'apocalyptic');
|
|
|
|
// Update stats dramatically
|
|
incidentCount += 1000;
|
|
hoursCount += 500;
|
|
updateStats();
|
|
|
|
// Play nuclear sound
|
|
playSound('nuclear');
|
|
|
|
// Visual effects
|
|
document.body.style.animation = 'none';
|
|
setTimeout(() => {
|
|
document.body.style.animation = 'shake 0.5s';
|
|
}, 10);
|
|
|
|
// Disable nuclear button
|
|
nuclearOptionBtn.disabled = true;
|
|
nuclearOptionBtn.textContent = "🚨 DUSTIN TERMINATED 🚨";
|
|
nuclearOptionBtn.style.opacity = '0.5';
|
|
nuclearOptionBtn.style.cursor = 'not-allowed';
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
// Event Listeners
|
|
blameForm.addEventListener('submit', function(e) {
|
|
e.preventDefault();
|
|
|
|
const severity = document.getElementById('severity').value;
|
|
const description = document.getElementById('description').value.trim();
|
|
|
|
if (!description) {
|
|
alert("Please describe Dustin's mess-up. Be creative!");
|
|
return;
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
addIncident(description, severity);
|
|
|
|
// Reset form
|
|
document.getElementById('description').value = '';
|
|
document.getElementById('severity').value = 'critical';
|
|
|
|
// Visual feedback
|
|
blameForm.style.animation = 'none';
|
|
setTimeout(() => {
|
|
blameForm.style.animation = 'fadeIn 0.5s';
|
|
}, 10);
|
|
});
|
|
|
|
generateApologyBtn.addEventListener('click', generateApology);
|
|
nuclearOptionBtn.addEventListener('click', activateNuclearOption);
|
|
|
|
autoAddBtn.addEventListener('click', function() {
|
|
const randomIncident = incidents[Math.floor(Math.random() * incidents.length)];
|
|
const severities = ['minor', 'warning', 'critical', 'apocalyptic'];
|
|
const randomSeverity = severities[Math.floor(Math.random() * severities.length)];
|
|
|
|
addIncident(randomIncident, randomSeverity);
|
|
});
|
|
|
|
clearLogBtn.addEventListener('click', function() {
|
|
if (confirm("Clear the entire incident log? (Dustin probably suggested this)")) {
|
|
logContainer.innerHTML = '';
|
|
addIncident("Incident log cleared. This was definitely Dustin's idea.", 'warning');
|
|
}
|
|
});
|
|
|
|
soundToggle.addEventListener('click', function() {
|
|
soundEnabled = !soundEnabled;
|
|
soundToggle.textContent = soundEnabled ? "🔊 Sound: ON" : "🔇 Sound: OFF";
|
|
});
|
|
|
|
easterEgg.addEventListener('click', function() {
|
|
alert("You monster! Dustin actually appreciates your support.\n\nHe's still at fault for everything, but thanks for trying.");
|
|
addIncident("Someone actually clicked the 'like Dustin' button. Investigation required.", 'critical');
|
|
});
|
|
|
|
// Add shake animation for nuclear option
|
|
const style = document.createElement('style');
|
|
style.textContent = `
|
|
@keyframes shake {
|
|
0%, 100% { transform: translateX(0); }
|
|
10%, 30%, 50%, 70%, 90% { transform: translateX(-10px); }
|
|
20%, 40%, 60%, 80% { transform: translateX(10px); }
|
|
}
|
|
`;
|
|
document.head.appendChild(style);
|
|
|
|
// Initialize with some incidents
|
|
setTimeout(() => {
|
|
addIncident("System initialized. Ready to blame Dustin for everything.", 'warning');
|
|
addIncident("Dustin already blamed for today's coffee machine outage.", 'minor');
|
|
addIncident("Dustin suspected in DNS resolution issues. Investigation ongoing.", 'critical');
|
|
}, 1000);
|
|
});
|
|
</script>
|
|
</body>
|
|
</html>
|