727 lines
21 KiB
HTML
727 lines
21 KiB
HTML
<!DOCTYPE html>
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<html lang="en">
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<head>
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<meta charset="UTF-8">
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<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0">
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<title>IT'S DUSTIN'S FAULT — Incident Monitoring System</title>
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<link rel="preconnect" href="https://fonts.googleapis.com">
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<link rel="preconnect" href="https://fonts.gstatic.com" crossorigin>
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<link href="https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=IBM+Plex+Mono:wght@400;600;700&family=Share+Tech+Mono&display=swap" rel="stylesheet">
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<style>
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:root {
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--bg-dark: #0a0a0a;
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--bg-panel: #0d1117;
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--terminal-green: #00ff41;
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--terminal-green-dim: #00aa2a;
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--terminal-amber: #ffb000;
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--terminal-red: #ff3333;
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--terminal-blue: #00d4ff;
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--text-dim: #4a5568;
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--border-color: #1a1f26;
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}
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* {
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margin: 0;
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padding: 0;
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box-sizing: border-box;
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}
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body {
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font-family: 'IBM Plex Mono', monospace;
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background: var(--bg-dark);
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color: var(--terminal-green);
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min-height: 100vh;
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overflow-x: hidden;
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}
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/* CRT Scanline Effect */
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body::before {
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content: '';
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position: fixed;
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top: 0;
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left: 0;
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width: 100%;
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height: 100%;
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background: repeating-linear-gradient(
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0deg,
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rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.15),
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rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.15) 1px,
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transparent 1px,
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transparent 2px
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);
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pointer-events: none;
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z-index: 1000;
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}
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/* CRT Flicker */
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body::after {
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content: '';
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position: fixed;
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top: 0;
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left: 0;
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width: 100%;
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height: 100%;
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background: rgba(0, 255, 65, 0.02);
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pointer-events: none;
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z-index: 999;
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animation: flicker 0.15s infinite;
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}
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@keyframes flicker {
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0%, 100% { opacity: 1; }
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50% { opacity: 0.98; }
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}
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.container {
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max-width: 1200px;
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margin: 0 auto;
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padding: 20px;
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}
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/* Header */
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.header {
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text-align: center;
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padding: 30px 0;
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border-bottom: 2px solid var(--terminal-green-dim);
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margin-bottom: 30px;
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position: relative;
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}
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.header-ascii {
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font-family: 'Share Tech Mono', monospace;
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font-size: 12px;
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line-height: 1.2;
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color: var(--terminal-green);
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text-shadow: 0 0 10px var(--terminal-green);
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white-space: pre;
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}
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.header-subtitle {
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font-size: 14px;
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color: var(--terminal-green-dim);
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margin-top: 15px;
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letter-spacing: 4px;
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}
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/* Stats Bar */
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.stats-bar {
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display: grid;
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grid-template-columns: repeat(auto-fit, minmax(200px, 1fr));
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gap: 20px;
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margin-bottom: 30px;
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}
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.stat-card {
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background: var(--bg-panel);
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border: 1px solid var(--border-color);
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padding: 20px;
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text-align: center;
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position: relative;
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overflow: hidden;
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}
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.stat-card::before {
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content: '';
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position: absolute;
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top: 0;
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left: 0;
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width: 100%;
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height: 3px;
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background: var(--terminal-green);
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}
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.stat-card.critical::before {
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background: var(--terminal-red);
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}
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.stat-card.warning::before {
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background: var(--terminal-amber);
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}
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.stat-label {
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font-size: 11px;
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color: var(--text-dim);
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text-transform: uppercase;
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letter-spacing: 2px;
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margin-bottom: 10px;
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}
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.stat-value {
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font-size: 32px;
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font-weight: 700;
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text-shadow: 0 0 20px var(--terminal-green);
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}
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.stat-card.critical .stat-value {
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color: var(--terminal-red);
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text-shadow: 0 0 20px var(--terminal-red);
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}
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.stat-card.warning .stat-value {
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color: var(--terminal-amber);
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text-shadow: 0 0 20px var(--terminal-amber);
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}
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/* Main Grid */
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.main-grid {
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display: grid;
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grid-template-columns: 1fr 350px;
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gap: 30px;
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}
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@media (max-width: 900px) {
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.main-grid {
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grid-template-columns: 1fr;
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}
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}
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/* Incident Log */
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.incident-log {
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background: var(--bg-panel);
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border: 1px solid var(--border-color);
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height: 500px;
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display: flex;
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flex-direction: column;
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}
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.log-header {
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padding: 15px 20px;
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border-bottom: 1px solid var(--border-color);
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display: flex;
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justify-content: space-between;
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align-items: center;
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}
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.log-title {
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font-size: 14px;
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font-weight: 600;
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display: flex;
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align-items: center;
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gap: 10px;
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}
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.live-indicator {
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width: 8px;
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height: 8px;
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background: var(--terminal-red);
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border-radius: 50%;
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animation: pulse 1s infinite;
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}
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@keyframes pulse {
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0%, 100% { opacity: 1; box-shadow: 0 0 5px var(--terminal-red); }
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50% { opacity: 0.5; box-shadow: 0 0 10px var(--terminal-red); }
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}
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.log-content {
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flex: 1;
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overflow-y: auto;
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padding: 15px;
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font-size: 12px;
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}
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.log-content::-webkit-scrollbar {
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width: 6px;
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}
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.log-content::-webkit-scrollbar-track {
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background: var(--bg-dark);
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}
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.log-content::-webkit-scrollbar-thumb {
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background: var(--terminal-green-dim);
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}
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.incident {
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padding: 10px;
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margin-bottom: 8px;
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background: rgba(0, 255, 65, 0.03);
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border-left: 3px solid var(--terminal-green-dim);
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animation: slideIn 0.3s ease-out;
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line-height: 1.5;
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}
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.incident.critical {
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border-left-color: var(--terminal-red);
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background: rgba(255, 51, 51, 0.05);
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}
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.incident.warning {
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border-left-color: var(--terminal-amber);
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background: rgba(255, 176, 0, 0.05);
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}
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@keyframes slideIn {
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from {
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opacity: 0;
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transform: translateX(-20px);
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}
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to {
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opacity: 1;
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transform: translateX(0);
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}
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}
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.incident-id {
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color: var(--terminal-blue);
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font-weight: 600;
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}
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.incident-time {
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color: var(--text-dim);
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margin-left: 10px;
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}
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.incident-severity {
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margin-left: 10px;
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font-weight: 600;
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}
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.incident-severity.critical {
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color: var(--terminal-red);
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}
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.incident-severity.warning {
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color: var(--terminal-amber);
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}
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.incident-severity.info {
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color: var(--terminal-blue);
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}
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.incident-desc {
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margin-top: 5px;
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color: #ccc;
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}
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.incident-root-cause {
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margin-top: 5px;
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color: var(--terminal-red);
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font-weight: 600;
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}
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/* Report Form */
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.report-panel {
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background: var(--bg-panel);
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border: 1px solid var(--border-color);
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}
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.report-header {
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padding: 15px 20px;
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border-bottom: 1px solid var(--border-color);
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font-size: 14px;
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font-weight: 600;
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}
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.report-form {
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padding: 20px;
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}
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.form-group {
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margin-bottom: 20px;
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}
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.form-label {
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display: block;
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font-size: 11px;
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color: var(--text-dim);
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text-transform: uppercase;
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letter-spacing: 1px;
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margin-bottom: 8px;
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}
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.form-input {
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width: 100%;
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background: var(--bg-dark);
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border: 1px solid var(--terminal-green-dim);
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color: var(--terminal-green);
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padding: 12px 15px;
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font-family: 'IBM Plex Mono', monospace;
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font-size: 13px;
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outline: none;
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transition: border-color 0.2s, box-shadow 0.2s;
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}
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.form-input:focus {
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border-color: var(--terminal-green);
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box-shadow: 0 0 10px rgba(0, 255, 65, 0.2);
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}
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.form-input::placeholder {
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color: var(--text-dim);
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}
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.submit-btn {
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width: 100%;
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background: var(--terminal-green);
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color: var(--bg-dark);
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border: none;
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padding: 14px 20px;
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font-family: 'IBM Plex Mono', monospace;
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font-size: 13px;
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font-weight: 700;
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text-transform: uppercase;
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letter-spacing: 2px;
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cursor: pointer;
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transition: all 0.2s;
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}
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.submit-btn:hover {
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background: #00ff6a;
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box-shadow: 0 0 20px var(--terminal-green);
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}
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.submit-btn:active {
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transform: scale(0.98);
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}
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/* Report History */
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.report-history {
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padding: 20px;
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border-top: 1px solid var(--border-color);
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max-height: 200px;
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overflow-y: auto;
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}
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.report-history-title {
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font-size: 11px;
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color: var(--text-dim);
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text-transform: uppercase;
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letter-spacing: 1px;
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margin-bottom: 15px;
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}
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.user-report {
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padding: 10px;
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margin-bottom: 8px;
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background: rgba(0, 212, 255, 0.05);
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border-left: 3px solid var(--terminal-blue);
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font-size: 11px;
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}
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.user-report-id {
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color: var(--terminal-blue);
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font-weight: 600;
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}
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/* Cursor blink */
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.cursor {
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display: inline-block;
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width: 10px;
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height: 18px;
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background: var(--terminal-green);
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animation: blink 1s step-end infinite;
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vertical-align: middle;
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margin-left: 5px;
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}
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@keyframes blink {
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0%, 100% { opacity: 1; }
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50% { opacity: 0; }
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}
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/* Footer */
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.footer {
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text-align: center;
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padding: 30px 0;
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color: var(--text-dim);
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font-size: 11px;
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}
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/* Dustin Counter Animation */
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@keyframes countUp {
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from { transform: scale(1.5); color: var(--terminal-red); }
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to { transform: scale(1); color: var(--terminal-green); }
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}
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.count-pulse {
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animation: countUp 0.3s ease-out;
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}
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</style>
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</head>
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<body>
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<div class="container">
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<!-- Header -->
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<header class="header">
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<pre class="header-ascii">
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███████╗██╗ ██╗███████╗ ███████╗ ██████╗ ██████╗ ████████╗███████╗██╗ ██╗
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██╔════╝╚██╗ ██╔╝██╔════╝ ██╔════╝██╔═══██╗██╔══██╗╚══██╔══╝██╔════╝██║ ██║
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█████╗ ╚████╔╝ ███████╗ █████╗ ██║ ██║██████╔╝ ██║ █████╗ ██║ ██║
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██╔══╝ ╚██╔╝ ╚════██║ ██╔══╝ ██║ ██║██╔══██╗ ██║ ██╔══╝ ╚██╗ ██╔╝
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███████╗ ██║ ███████║ ███████╗╚██████╔╝██║ ██║ ██║ ███████╗ ╚████╔╝
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╚══════╝ ╚═╝ ╚══════╝ ╚══════╝ ╚═════╝ ╚═╝ ╚═╝ ╚═╝ ╚══════╝ ╚═══╝
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</pre>
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<div class="header-subtitle">
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INCIDENT MONITORING SYSTEM v2.0.26 <span class="cursor"></span>
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</div>
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</header>
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<!-- Stats -->
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<div class="stats-bar">
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<div class="stat-card">
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<div class="stat-label">Total Incidents</div>
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<div class="stat-value" id="total-incidents">0</div>
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</div>
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<div class="stat-card critical">
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<div class="stat-label">Critical Events</div>
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<div class="stat-value" id="critical-incidents">0</div>
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</div>
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<div class="stat-card warning">
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<div class="stat-label">Dustin's Faults</div>
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<div class="stat-value" id="dustin-faults">0</div>
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</div>
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<div class="stat-card">
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<div class="stat-label">System Uptime</div>
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<div class="stat-value" id="uptime">99.9%</div>
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</div>
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</div>
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<!-- Main Grid -->
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<div class="main-grid">
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<!-- Incident Log -->
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<div class="incident-log">
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<div class="log-header">
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<div class="log-title">
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<span class="live-indicator"></span>
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LIVE INCIDENT FEED
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</div>
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<div style="font-size: 11px; color: var(--text-dim);">AUTO-SCROLL: ON</div>
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</div>
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<div class="log-content" id="incident-log">
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<!-- Incidents will be inserted here -->
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</div>
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</div>
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<!-- Report Panel -->
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<div class="report-panel">
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<div class="report-header">
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⚡ FILE NEW INCIDENT REPORT
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</div>
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<form class="report-form" id="report-form">
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<div class="form-group">
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<label class="form-label">Incident Description</label>
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<input
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type="text"
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class="form-input"
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id="incident-input"
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placeholder="e.g., Coffee machine exploded..."
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autocomplete="off"
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>
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</div>
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<div class="form-group">
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<label class="form-label">Severity Level</label>
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<select class="form-input" id="severity-select">
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<option value="critical">🔴 CRITICAL</option>
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<option value="warning">🟡 WARNING</option>
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<option value="info" selected>🔵 INFO</option>
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</select>
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</div>
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<button type="submit" class="submit-btn">Submit Incident</button>
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</form>
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<div class="report-history">
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<div class="report-history-title">Recent User Reports</div>
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<div id="user-reports">
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<!-- User reports will appear here -->
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</div>
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</div>
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</div>
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</div>
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<footer class="footer">
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<p>© 2026 Dustin Fault Monitoring Division — All systems operating abnormally</p>
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</footer>
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</div>
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<script>
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// State
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let incidentCount = 0;
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let criticalCount = 0;
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let dustinFaultCount = 0;
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let userReportCount = 0;
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// Predefined incidents
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const incidentTemplates = [
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{ desc: "DNS resolution failed", severity: "critical", cause: "Dustin accidentally flushed the wrong cache" },
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{ desc: "Production database unreachable", severity: "critical", cause: "Dustin ran DROP TABLE on the wrong terminal" },
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{ desc: "API response time > 5000ms", severity: "warning", cause: "Dustin's debug logs filled the disk" },
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{ desc: "SSL certificate expired", severity: "critical", cause: "Dustin clicked 'Don't remind me again'" },
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{ desc: "CDN cache invalidated", severity: "warning", cause: "Dustin hit Ctrl+Alt+Delete on the load balancer" },
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{ desc: "Backup job failed", severity: "warning", cause: "Dustin unplugged the wrong server for his phone charger" },
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{ desc: "Memory usage at 98%", severity: "critical", cause: "Dustin left 47 Chrome tabs open on the production server" },
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{ desc: "Firewall rule changed", severity: "warning", cause: "Dustin thought the test environment was 'just like production'" },
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{ desc: "Queue depth exceeded threshold", severity: "warning", cause: "Dustin's infinite loop made a comeback" },
|
|
{ desc: "Load balancer health check failed", severity: "critical", cause: "Dustin rebooted the wrong node... again" },
|
|
{ desc: "Email notifications not sending", severity: "info", cause: "Dustin marked all system emails as spam" },
|
|
{ desc: "Logs rotation failed", severity: "info", cause: "Dustin said 'rm -rf /logs/*' in the wrong shell" },
|
|
{ desc: "CI/CD pipeline stuck", severity: "warning", cause: "Dustin's merge conflict is now 3 days old" },
|
|
{ desc: "Container orchestration degraded", severity: "critical", cause: "Dustin deployed without -production flag" },
|
|
{ desc: "SSH key expired", severity: "info", cause: "Dustin used his 'test' key on prod" },
|
|
{ desc: "Disk space critical", severity: "critical", cause: "Dustin compiled everything with debug symbols" },
|
|
{ desc: "OAuth token leak detected", severity: "critical", cause: "Dustin posted credentials in #general" },
|
|
{ desc: "Monitoring alerts silenced", severity: "warning", cause: "Dustin 'fixed' the alert spam by muting everything" },
|
|
{ desc: "Kubernetes pod eviction", severity: "critical", cause: "Dustin exceeded the node's memory limit with his side project" },
|
|
{ desc: "Redis connection pool exhausted", severity: "warning", cause: "Dustin forgot to close connections again" },
|
|
];
|
|
|
|
const userExcuses = [
|
|
"The dog ate the config file",
|
|
"I was just following the documentation",
|
|
"It worked on my machine",
|
|
"I didn't know that was production",
|
|
"That's not a bug, it's a feature",
|
|
"I was just testing",
|
|
"The previous guy left it that way",
|
|
"I thought the backup was working",
|
|
"Nobody told me not to",
|
|
"It was a security audit... technically",
|
|
"I was trying to help",
|
|
"The test suite told me to",
|
|
"I was on a coffee break",
|
|
"Git merge conflicts are hard",
|
|
"The previous admin set it up wrong",
|
|
];
|
|
|
|
// Generate random incident ID
|
|
function generateId() {
|
|
const chars = 'ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ0123456789';
|
|
let id = 'INC-';
|
|
for (let i = 0; i < 6; i++) {
|
|
id += chars.charAt(Math.floor(Math.random() * chars.length));
|
|
}
|
|
return id;
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
// Get current timestamp
|
|
function getTimestamp() {
|
|
const now = new Date();
|
|
return now.toISOString().split('T')[1].split('.')[0] + 'Z';
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
// Add incident to log
|
|
function addIncident(desc, severity, cause, isUserReport = false) {
|
|
const log = document.getElementById('incident-log');
|
|
const id = isUserReport ? `USR-${String(++userReportCount).padStart(4, '0')}` : generateId();
|
|
const time = getTimestamp();
|
|
|
|
incidentCount++;
|
|
if (severity === 'critical') criticalCount++;
|
|
dustinFaultCount++;
|
|
|
|
const incident = document.createElement('div');
|
|
incident.className = `incident ${severity}`;
|
|
incident.innerHTML = `
|
|
<span class="incident-id">${id}</span>
|
|
<span class="incident-time">${time}</span>
|
|
<span class="incident-severity ${severity}">[${severity.toUpperCase()}]</span>
|
|
<div class="incident-desc">${desc}</div>
|
|
<div class="incident-root-cause">⚠ ROOT CAUSE: ${cause}</div>
|
|
`;
|
|
|
|
log.insertBefore(incident, log.firstChild);
|
|
|
|
// Keep only last 50 incidents
|
|
while (log.children.length > 50) {
|
|
log.removeChild(log.lastChild);
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
// Auto-scroll to top
|
|
log.scrollTop = 0;
|
|
|
|
// Update stats
|
|
updateStats();
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
// Update stats display
|
|
function updateStats() {
|
|
const totalEl = document.getElementById('total-incidents');
|
|
const criticalEl = document.getElementById('critical-incidents');
|
|
const dustinEl = document.getElementById('dustin-faults');
|
|
|
|
totalEl.textContent = incidentCount;
|
|
criticalEl.textContent = criticalCount;
|
|
dustinEl.textContent = dustinFaultCount;
|
|
|
|
// Pulse animation on dustin counter
|
|
dustinEl.classList.remove('count-pulse');
|
|
void dustinEl.offsetWidth; // Trigger reflow
|
|
dustinEl.classList.add('count-pulse');
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
// Add user report to history
|
|
function addUserReport(desc, id) {
|
|
const history = document.getElementById('user-reports');
|
|
const report = document.createElement('div');
|
|
report.className = 'user-report';
|
|
report.innerHTML = `
|
|
<span class="user-report-id">${id}</span>: ${desc}
|
|
`;
|
|
history.insertBefore(report, history.firstChild);
|
|
|
|
// Keep only last 5
|
|
while (history.children.length > 5) {
|
|
history.removeChild(history.lastChild);
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
// Generate random auto-incident
|
|
function generateRandomIncident() {
|
|
const template = incidentTemplates[Math.floor(Math.random() * incidentTemplates.length)];
|
|
addIncident(template.desc, template.severity, template.cause);
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
// Handle form submission
|
|
document.getElementById('report-form').addEventListener('submit', function(e) {
|
|
e.preventDefault();
|
|
|
|
const input = document.getElementById('incident-input');
|
|
const severity = document.getElementById('severity-select').value;
|
|
const desc = input.value.trim();
|
|
|
|
if (!desc) {
|
|
input.focus();
|
|
return;
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
const id = `USR-${String(userReportCount + 1).padStart(4, '0')}`;
|
|
const excuse = userExcuses[Math.floor(Math.random() * userExcuses.length)];
|
|
|
|
addIncident(desc, severity, `Dustin: ${excuse}`, true);
|
|
addUserReport(desc, id);
|
|
|
|
input.value = '';
|
|
input.focus();
|
|
});
|
|
|
|
// Initialize with some incidents
|
|
function init() {
|
|
// Add a few initial incidents
|
|
addIncident("System initialization complete", "info", "Dustin pressed the power button");
|
|
setTimeout(() => addIncident("Monitoring services started", "info", "Dustin's script finally finished"), 500);
|
|
setTimeout(() => addIncident("Baseline established", "info", "Dustin calibrated the baseline incorrectly"), 1000);
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
// Start generating random incidents
|
|
init();
|
|
|
|
// Random interval between 2-5 seconds
|
|
function scheduleNext() {
|
|
const delay = 2000 + Math.random() * 3000;
|
|
setTimeout(() => {
|
|
generateRandomIncident();
|
|
scheduleNext();
|
|
}, delay);
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
scheduleNext();
|
|
|
|
// Uptime counter (fake)
|
|
let uptimeDecimals = 9;
|
|
setInterval(() => {
|
|
uptimeDecimals = (uptimeDecimals - 0.0001 + 100) % 100;
|
|
document.getElementById('uptime').textContent = `99.${String(uptimeDecimals).padStart(2, '0')}%`;
|
|
}, 1000);
|
|
</script>
|
|
</body>
|
|
</html>
|