Files
dustins-fault/index.html
2026-02-24 15:29:08 -05:00

727 lines
21 KiB
HTML

<!DOCTYPE html>
<html lang="en">
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0">
<title>IT'S DUSTIN'S FAULT — Incident Monitoring System</title>
<link rel="preconnect" href="https://fonts.googleapis.com">
<link rel="preconnect" href="https://fonts.gstatic.com" crossorigin>
<link href="https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=IBM+Plex+Mono:wght@400;600;700&family=Share+Tech+Mono&display=swap" rel="stylesheet">
<style>
:root {
--bg-dark: #0a0a0a;
--bg-panel: #0d1117;
--terminal-green: #00ff41;
--terminal-green-dim: #00aa2a;
--terminal-amber: #ffb000;
--terminal-red: #ff3333;
--terminal-blue: #00d4ff;
--text-dim: #4a5568;
--border-color: #1a1f26;
}
* {
margin: 0;
padding: 0;
box-sizing: border-box;
}
body {
font-family: 'IBM Plex Mono', monospace;
background: var(--bg-dark);
color: var(--terminal-green);
min-height: 100vh;
overflow-x: hidden;
}
/* CRT Scanline Effect */
body::before {
content: '';
position: fixed;
top: 0;
left: 0;
width: 100%;
height: 100%;
background: repeating-linear-gradient(
0deg,
rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.15),
rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.15) 1px,
transparent 1px,
transparent 2px
);
pointer-events: none;
z-index: 1000;
}
/* CRT Flicker */
body::after {
content: '';
position: fixed;
top: 0;
left: 0;
width: 100%;
height: 100%;
background: rgba(0, 255, 65, 0.02);
pointer-events: none;
z-index: 999;
animation: flicker 0.15s infinite;
}
@keyframes flicker {
0%, 100% { opacity: 1; }
50% { opacity: 0.98; }
}
.container {
max-width: 1200px;
margin: 0 auto;
padding: 20px;
}
/* Header */
.header {
text-align: center;
padding: 30px 0;
border-bottom: 2px solid var(--terminal-green-dim);
margin-bottom: 30px;
position: relative;
}
.header-ascii {
font-family: 'Share Tech Mono', monospace;
font-size: 12px;
line-height: 1.2;
color: var(--terminal-green);
text-shadow: 0 0 10px var(--terminal-green);
white-space: pre;
}
.header-subtitle {
font-size: 14px;
color: var(--terminal-green-dim);
margin-top: 15px;
letter-spacing: 4px;
}
/* Stats Bar */
.stats-bar {
display: grid;
grid-template-columns: repeat(auto-fit, minmax(200px, 1fr));
gap: 20px;
margin-bottom: 30px;
}
.stat-card {
background: var(--bg-panel);
border: 1px solid var(--border-color);
padding: 20px;
text-align: center;
position: relative;
overflow: hidden;
}
.stat-card::before {
content: '';
position: absolute;
top: 0;
left: 0;
width: 100%;
height: 3px;
background: var(--terminal-green);
}
.stat-card.critical::before {
background: var(--terminal-red);
}
.stat-card.warning::before {
background: var(--terminal-amber);
}
.stat-label {
font-size: 11px;
color: var(--text-dim);
text-transform: uppercase;
letter-spacing: 2px;
margin-bottom: 10px;
}
.stat-value {
font-size: 32px;
font-weight: 700;
text-shadow: 0 0 20px var(--terminal-green);
}
.stat-card.critical .stat-value {
color: var(--terminal-red);
text-shadow: 0 0 20px var(--terminal-red);
}
.stat-card.warning .stat-value {
color: var(--terminal-amber);
text-shadow: 0 0 20px var(--terminal-amber);
}
/* Main Grid */
.main-grid {
display: grid;
grid-template-columns: 1fr 350px;
gap: 30px;
}
@media (max-width: 900px) {
.main-grid {
grid-template-columns: 1fr;
}
}
/* Incident Log */
.incident-log {
background: var(--bg-panel);
border: 1px solid var(--border-color);
height: 500px;
display: flex;
flex-direction: column;
}
.log-header {
padding: 15px 20px;
border-bottom: 1px solid var(--border-color);
display: flex;
justify-content: space-between;
align-items: center;
}
.log-title {
font-size: 14px;
font-weight: 600;
display: flex;
align-items: center;
gap: 10px;
}
.live-indicator {
width: 8px;
height: 8px;
background: var(--terminal-red);
border-radius: 50%;
animation: pulse 1s infinite;
}
@keyframes pulse {
0%, 100% { opacity: 1; box-shadow: 0 0 5px var(--terminal-red); }
50% { opacity: 0.5; box-shadow: 0 0 10px var(--terminal-red); }
}
.log-content {
flex: 1;
overflow-y: auto;
padding: 15px;
font-size: 12px;
}
.log-content::-webkit-scrollbar {
width: 6px;
}
.log-content::-webkit-scrollbar-track {
background: var(--bg-dark);
}
.log-content::-webkit-scrollbar-thumb {
background: var(--terminal-green-dim);
}
.incident {
padding: 10px;
margin-bottom: 8px;
background: rgba(0, 255, 65, 0.03);
border-left: 3px solid var(--terminal-green-dim);
animation: slideIn 0.3s ease-out;
line-height: 1.5;
}
.incident.critical {
border-left-color: var(--terminal-red);
background: rgba(255, 51, 51, 0.05);
}
.incident.warning {
border-left-color: var(--terminal-amber);
background: rgba(255, 176, 0, 0.05);
}
@keyframes slideIn {
from {
opacity: 0;
transform: translateX(-20px);
}
to {
opacity: 1;
transform: translateX(0);
}
}
.incident-id {
color: var(--terminal-blue);
font-weight: 600;
}
.incident-time {
color: var(--text-dim);
margin-left: 10px;
}
.incident-severity {
margin-left: 10px;
font-weight: 600;
}
.incident-severity.critical {
color: var(--terminal-red);
}
.incident-severity.warning {
color: var(--terminal-amber);
}
.incident-severity.info {
color: var(--terminal-blue);
}
.incident-desc {
margin-top: 5px;
color: #ccc;
}
.incident-root-cause {
margin-top: 5px;
color: var(--terminal-red);
font-weight: 600;
}
/* Report Form */
.report-panel {
background: var(--bg-panel);
border: 1px solid var(--border-color);
}
.report-header {
padding: 15px 20px;
border-bottom: 1px solid var(--border-color);
font-size: 14px;
font-weight: 600;
}
.report-form {
padding: 20px;
}
.form-group {
margin-bottom: 20px;
}
.form-label {
display: block;
font-size: 11px;
color: var(--text-dim);
text-transform: uppercase;
letter-spacing: 1px;
margin-bottom: 8px;
}
.form-input {
width: 100%;
background: var(--bg-dark);
border: 1px solid var(--terminal-green-dim);
color: var(--terminal-green);
padding: 12px 15px;
font-family: 'IBM Plex Mono', monospace;
font-size: 13px;
outline: none;
transition: border-color 0.2s, box-shadow 0.2s;
}
.form-input:focus {
border-color: var(--terminal-green);
box-shadow: 0 0 10px rgba(0, 255, 65, 0.2);
}
.form-input::placeholder {
color: var(--text-dim);
}
.submit-btn {
width: 100%;
background: var(--terminal-green);
color: var(--bg-dark);
border: none;
padding: 14px 20px;
font-family: 'IBM Plex Mono', monospace;
font-size: 13px;
font-weight: 700;
text-transform: uppercase;
letter-spacing: 2px;
cursor: pointer;
transition: all 0.2s;
}
.submit-btn:hover {
background: #00ff6a;
box-shadow: 0 0 20px var(--terminal-green);
}
.submit-btn:active {
transform: scale(0.98);
}
/* Report History */
.report-history {
padding: 20px;
border-top: 1px solid var(--border-color);
max-height: 200px;
overflow-y: auto;
}
.report-history-title {
font-size: 11px;
color: var(--text-dim);
text-transform: uppercase;
letter-spacing: 1px;
margin-bottom: 15px;
}
.user-report {
padding: 10px;
margin-bottom: 8px;
background: rgba(0, 212, 255, 0.05);
border-left: 3px solid var(--terminal-blue);
font-size: 11px;
}
.user-report-id {
color: var(--terminal-blue);
font-weight: 600;
}
/* Cursor blink */
.cursor {
display: inline-block;
width: 10px;
height: 18px;
background: var(--terminal-green);
animation: blink 1s step-end infinite;
vertical-align: middle;
margin-left: 5px;
}
@keyframes blink {
0%, 100% { opacity: 1; }
50% { opacity: 0; }
}
/* Footer */
.footer {
text-align: center;
padding: 30px 0;
color: var(--text-dim);
font-size: 11px;
}
/* Dustin Counter Animation */
@keyframes countUp {
from { transform: scale(1.5); color: var(--terminal-red); }
to { transform: scale(1); color: var(--terminal-green); }
}
.count-pulse {
animation: countUp 0.3s ease-out;
}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<div class="container">
<!-- Header -->
<header class="header">
<pre class="header-ascii">
███████╗██╗ ██╗███████╗ ███████╗ ██████╗ ██████╗ ████████╗███████╗██╗ ██╗
██╔════╝╚██╗ ██╔╝██╔════╝ ██╔════╝██╔═══██╗██╔══██╗╚══██╔══╝██╔════╝██║ ██║
█████╗ ╚████╔╝ ███████╗ █████╗ ██║ ██║██████╔╝ ██║ █████╗ ██║ ██║
██╔══╝ ╚██╔╝ ╚════██║ ██╔══╝ ██║ ██║██╔══██╗ ██║ ██╔══╝ ╚██╗ ██╔╝
███████╗ ██║ ███████║ ███████╗╚██████╔╝██║ ██║ ██║ ███████╗ ╚████╔╝
╚══════╝ ╚═╝ ╚══════╝ ╚══════╝ ╚═════╝ ╚═╝ ╚═╝ ╚═╝ ╚══════╝ ╚═══╝
</pre>
<div class="header-subtitle">
INCIDENT MONITORING SYSTEM v2.0.26 <span class="cursor"></span>
</div>
</header>
<!-- Stats -->
<div class="stats-bar">
<div class="stat-card">
<div class="stat-label">Total Incidents</div>
<div class="stat-value" id="total-incidents">0</div>
</div>
<div class="stat-card critical">
<div class="stat-label">Critical Events</div>
<div class="stat-value" id="critical-incidents">0</div>
</div>
<div class="stat-card warning">
<div class="stat-label">Dustin's Faults</div>
<div class="stat-value" id="dustin-faults">0</div>
</div>
<div class="stat-card">
<div class="stat-label">System Uptime</div>
<div class="stat-value" id="uptime">99.9%</div>
</div>
</div>
<!-- Main Grid -->
<div class="main-grid">
<!-- Incident Log -->
<div class="incident-log">
<div class="log-header">
<div class="log-title">
<span class="live-indicator"></span>
LIVE INCIDENT FEED
</div>
<div style="font-size: 11px; color: var(--text-dim);">AUTO-SCROLL: ON</div>
</div>
<div class="log-content" id="incident-log">
<!-- Incidents will be inserted here -->
</div>
</div>
<!-- Report Panel -->
<div class="report-panel">
<div class="report-header">
⚡ FILE NEW INCIDENT REPORT
</div>
<form class="report-form" id="report-form">
<div class="form-group">
<label class="form-label">Incident Description</label>
<input
type="text"
class="form-input"
id="incident-input"
placeholder="e.g., Coffee machine exploded..."
autocomplete="off"
>
</div>
<div class="form-group">
<label class="form-label">Severity Level</label>
<select class="form-input" id="severity-select">
<option value="critical">🔴 CRITICAL</option>
<option value="warning">🟡 WARNING</option>
<option value="info" selected>🔵 INFO</option>
</select>
</div>
<button type="submit" class="submit-btn">Submit Incident</button>
</form>
<div class="report-history">
<div class="report-history-title">Recent User Reports</div>
<div id="user-reports">
<!-- User reports will appear here -->
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<footer class="footer">
<p>© 2026 Dustin Fault Monitoring Division — All systems operating abnormally</p>
</footer>
</div>
<script>
// State
let incidentCount = 0;
let criticalCount = 0;
let dustinFaultCount = 0;
let userReportCount = 0;
// Predefined incidents
const incidentTemplates = [
{ desc: "DNS resolution failed", severity: "critical", cause: "Dustin accidentally flushed the wrong cache" },
{ desc: "Production database unreachable", severity: "critical", cause: "Dustin ran DROP TABLE on the wrong terminal" },
{ desc: "API response time > 5000ms", severity: "warning", cause: "Dustin's debug logs filled the disk" },
{ desc: "SSL certificate expired", severity: "critical", cause: "Dustin clicked 'Don't remind me again'" },
{ desc: "CDN cache invalidated", severity: "warning", cause: "Dustin hit Ctrl+Alt+Delete on the load balancer" },
{ desc: "Backup job failed", severity: "warning", cause: "Dustin unplugged the wrong server for his phone charger" },
{ desc: "Memory usage at 98%", severity: "critical", cause: "Dustin left 47 Chrome tabs open on the production server" },
{ desc: "Firewall rule changed", severity: "warning", cause: "Dustin thought the test environment was 'just like production'" },
{ desc: "Queue depth exceeded threshold", severity: "warning", cause: "Dustin's infinite loop made a comeback" },
{ desc: "Load balancer health check failed", severity: "critical", cause: "Dustin rebooted the wrong node... again" },
{ desc: "Email notifications not sending", severity: "info", cause: "Dustin marked all system emails as spam" },
{ desc: "Logs rotation failed", severity: "info", cause: "Dustin said 'rm -rf /logs/*' in the wrong shell" },
{ desc: "CI/CD pipeline stuck", severity: "warning", cause: "Dustin's merge conflict is now 3 days old" },
{ desc: "Container orchestration degraded", severity: "critical", cause: "Dustin deployed without -production flag" },
{ desc: "SSH key expired", severity: "info", cause: "Dustin used his 'test' key on prod" },
{ desc: "Disk space critical", severity: "critical", cause: "Dustin compiled everything with debug symbols" },
{ desc: "OAuth token leak detected", severity: "critical", cause: "Dustin posted credentials in #general" },
{ desc: "Monitoring alerts silenced", severity: "warning", cause: "Dustin 'fixed' the alert spam by muting everything" },
{ desc: "Kubernetes pod eviction", severity: "critical", cause: "Dustin exceeded the node's memory limit with his side project" },
{ desc: "Redis connection pool exhausted", severity: "warning", cause: "Dustin forgot to close connections again" },
];
const userExcuses = [
"The dog ate the config file",
"I was just following the documentation",
"It worked on my machine",
"I didn't know that was production",
"That's not a bug, it's a feature",
"I was just testing",
"The previous guy left it that way",
"I thought the backup was working",
"Nobody told me not to",
"It was a security audit... technically",
"I was trying to help",
"The test suite told me to",
"I was on a coffee break",
"Git merge conflicts are hard",
"The previous admin set it up wrong",
];
// Generate random incident ID
function generateId() {
const chars = 'ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ0123456789';
let id = 'INC-';
for (let i = 0; i < 6; i++) {
id += chars.charAt(Math.floor(Math.random() * chars.length));
}
return id;
}
// Get current timestamp
function getTimestamp() {
const now = new Date();
return now.toISOString().split('T')[1].split('.')[0] + 'Z';
}
// Add incident to log
function addIncident(desc, severity, cause, isUserReport = false) {
const log = document.getElementById('incident-log');
const id = isUserReport ? `USR-${String(++userReportCount).padStart(4, '0')}` : generateId();
const time = getTimestamp();
incidentCount++;
if (severity === 'critical') criticalCount++;
dustinFaultCount++;
const incident = document.createElement('div');
incident.className = `incident ${severity}`;
incident.innerHTML = `
<span class="incident-id">${id}</span>
<span class="incident-time">${time}</span>
<span class="incident-severity ${severity}">[${severity.toUpperCase()}]</span>
<div class="incident-desc">${desc}</div>
<div class="incident-root-cause">⚠ ROOT CAUSE: ${cause}</div>
`;
log.insertBefore(incident, log.firstChild);
// Keep only last 50 incidents
while (log.children.length > 50) {
log.removeChild(log.lastChild);
}
// Auto-scroll to top
log.scrollTop = 0;
// Update stats
updateStats();
}
// Update stats display
function updateStats() {
const totalEl = document.getElementById('total-incidents');
const criticalEl = document.getElementById('critical-incidents');
const dustinEl = document.getElementById('dustin-faults');
totalEl.textContent = incidentCount;
criticalEl.textContent = criticalCount;
dustinEl.textContent = dustinFaultCount;
// Pulse animation on dustin counter
dustinEl.classList.remove('count-pulse');
void dustinEl.offsetWidth; // Trigger reflow
dustinEl.classList.add('count-pulse');
}
// Add user report to history
function addUserReport(desc, id) {
const history = document.getElementById('user-reports');
const report = document.createElement('div');
report.className = 'user-report';
report.innerHTML = `
<span class="user-report-id">${id}</span>: ${desc}
`;
history.insertBefore(report, history.firstChild);
// Keep only last 5
while (history.children.length > 5) {
history.removeChild(history.lastChild);
}
}
// Generate random auto-incident
function generateRandomIncident() {
const template = incidentTemplates[Math.floor(Math.random() * incidentTemplates.length)];
addIncident(template.desc, template.severity, template.cause);
}
// Handle form submission
document.getElementById('report-form').addEventListener('submit', function(e) {
e.preventDefault();
const input = document.getElementById('incident-input');
const severity = document.getElementById('severity-select').value;
const desc = input.value.trim();
if (!desc) {
input.focus();
return;
}
const id = `USR-${String(userReportCount + 1).padStart(4, '0')}`;
const excuse = userExcuses[Math.floor(Math.random() * userExcuses.length)];
addIncident(desc, severity, `Dustin: ${excuse}`, true);
addUserReport(desc, id);
input.value = '';
input.focus();
});
// Initialize with some incidents
function init() {
// Add a few initial incidents
addIncident("System initialization complete", "info", "Dustin pressed the power button");
setTimeout(() => addIncident("Monitoring services started", "info", "Dustin's script finally finished"), 500);
setTimeout(() => addIncident("Baseline established", "info", "Dustin calibrated the baseline incorrectly"), 1000);
}
// Start generating random incidents
init();
// Random interval between 2-5 seconds
function scheduleNext() {
const delay = 2000 + Math.random() * 3000;
setTimeout(() => {
generateRandomIncident();
scheduleNext();
}, delay);
}
scheduleNext();
// Uptime counter (fake)
let uptimeDecimals = 9;
setInterval(() => {
uptimeDecimals = (uptimeDecimals - 0.0001 + 100) % 100;
document.getElementById('uptime').textContent = `99.${String(uptimeDecimals).padStart(2, '0')}%`;
}, 1000);
</script>
</body>
</html>