388 lines
12 KiB
HTML
388 lines
12 KiB
HTML
<!DOCTYPE html>
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<html lang="en">
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<head>
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<meta charset="UTF-8">
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<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0">
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<title>IT'S DUSTIN'S FAULT — Official Blame Portal</title>
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<link rel="preconnect" href="https://fonts.googleapis.com">
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<link rel="preconnect" href="https://fonts.gstatic.com" crossorigin>
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<link href="https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=IBM+Plex+Mono:wght@400;600;700&family=Share+Tech+Mono&display=swap" rel="stylesheet">
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<style>
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:root {
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--terminal-bg: #000;
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--terminal-text: #0f0;
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--terminal-red: #f00;
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--terminal-yellow: #ff0;
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--terminal-cyan: #0ff;
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--terminal-magenta: #f0f;
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--terminal-amber: #ff9900;
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--terminal-green: #00ff00;
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}
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* {
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margin: 0;
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padding: 0;
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box-sizing: border-box;
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}
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body {
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font-family: 'IBM Plex Mono', monospace;
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background: var(--terminal-bg);
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color: var(--terminal-text);
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min-height: 100vh;
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padding: 10px;
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overflow-x: hidden;
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position: relative;
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}
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@media (min-width: 768px) {
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body {
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padding: 20px;
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}
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}
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body::before {
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content: '';
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position: fixed;
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top: 0;
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left: 0;
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right: 0;
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bottom: 0;
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background: repeating-linear-gradient(
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0deg,
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rgba(0, 255, 0, 0.03) 0px,
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rgba(0, 255, 0, 0.03) 1px,
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transparent 1px,
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transparent 2px
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);
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pointer-events: none;
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z-index: 9999;
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}
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.scanline {
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position: fixed;
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top: 0;
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left: 0;
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right: 0;
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height: 4px;
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background: linear-gradient(to bottom, transparent, rgba(0, 255, 0, 0.3), transparent);
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animation: scan 3s linear infinite;
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pointer-events: none;
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z-index: 10000;
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}
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@keyframes scan {
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0% { top: 0; }
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100% { top: 100%; }
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}
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.header {
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text-align: center;
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margin-bottom: 20px;
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padding: 15px;
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border: 3px solid var(--terminal-red);
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background: rgba(255, 0, 0, 0.1);
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position: relative;
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overflow: hidden;
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}
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@media (min-width: 768px) {
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.header {
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margin-bottom: 30px;
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padding: 20px;
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}
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}
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.header::before {
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content: '⚠️ WARNING: DUSTIN DETECTED ⚠️';
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position: absolute;
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top: 0;
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left: 0;
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right: 0;
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background: var(--terminal-red);
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color: black;
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font-weight: bold;
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padding: 5px;
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animation: warning-blink 1s infinite;
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}
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@keyframes warning-blink {
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0%, 100% { opacity: 1; }
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50% { opacity: 0.5; }
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}
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.title {
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font-family: 'Share Tech Mono', monospace;
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font-size: 2em;
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color: var(--terminal-red);
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text-shadow: 0 0 10px var(--terminal-red);
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margin: 15px 0;
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letter-spacing: 1px;
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}
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@media (min-width: 480px) {
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.title {
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font-size: 2.5em;
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letter-spacing: 2px;
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}
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}
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@media (min-width: 768px) {
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.title {
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font-size: 3.5em;
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margin: 20px 0;
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}
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}
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.subtitle {
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color: var(--terminal-yellow);
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font-size: 1.2em;
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margin-bottom: 10px;
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}
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.tagline {
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color: var(--terminal-cyan);
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font-style: italic;
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margin-bottom: 20px;
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}
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.stats-grid {
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display: grid;
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grid-template-columns: 1fr;
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gap: 15px;
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margin-bottom: 30px;
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}
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@media (min-width: 480px) {
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.stats-grid {
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grid-template-columns: repeat(2, 1fr);
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}
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}
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@media (min-width: 768px) {
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.stats-grid {
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grid-template-columns: repeat(auto-fit, minmax(250px, 1fr));
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gap: 20px;
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}
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}
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.stat-card {
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background: rgba(0, 255, 0, 0.05);
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border: 1px solid var(--terminal-green);
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padding: 15px;
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border-radius: 5px;
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position: relative;
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overflow: hidden;
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}
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@media (min-width: 768px) {
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.stat-card {
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padding: 20px;
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}
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}
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.stat-card.critical {
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border-color: var(--terminal-red);
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background: rgba(255, 0, 0, 0.1);
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animation: pulse 2s infinite;
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}
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@keyframes pulse {
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0%, 100% { box-shadow: 0 0 5px var(--terminal-red); }
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50% { box-shadow: 0 0 20px var(--terminal-red); }
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}
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.stat-label {
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color: var(--terminal-cyan);
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font-size: 0.9em;
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text-transform: uppercase;
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letter-spacing: 1px;
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margin-bottom: 10px;
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}
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.stat-value {
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font-size: 1.8em;
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font-weight: bold;
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color: var(--terminal-red);
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}
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@media (min-width: 480px) {
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.stat-value {
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font-size: 2.2em;
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}
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}
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@media (min-width: 768px) {
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.stat-value {
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font-size: 2.5em;
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}
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}
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.stat-value.green {
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color: var(--terminal-green);
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}
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.stat-value.yellow {
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color: var(--terminal-yellow);
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}
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.main-content {
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display: grid;
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grid-template-columns: 1fr;
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gap: 20px;
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margin-bottom: 30px;
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}
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@media (min-width: 1024px) {
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.main-content {
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grid-template-columns: 2fr 1fr;
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gap: 30px;
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}
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}
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.incident-log {
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background: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8);
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border: 2px solid var(--terminal-green);
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padding: 15px;
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border-radius: 5px;
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max-height: 400px;
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overflow-y: auto;
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}
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@media (min-width: 768px) {
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.incident-log {
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padding: 20px;
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max-height: 600px;
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}
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}
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.log-header {
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display: flex;
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flex-direction: column;
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gap: 15px;
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margin-bottom: 20px;
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padding-bottom: 10px;
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border-bottom: 1px solid var(--terminal-green);
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}
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@media (min-width: 768px) {
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.log-header {
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flex-direction: row;
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justify-content: space-between;
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align-items: center;
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}
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}
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.log-title {
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font-size: 1.5em;
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color: var(--terminal-yellow);
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}
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.controls {
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display: flex;
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flex-wrap: wrap;
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gap: 10px;
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justify-content: center;
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}
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@media (min-width: 768px) {
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.controls {
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justify-content: flex-end;
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}
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}
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.control-btn {
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background: var(--terminal-bg);
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border: 1px solid var(--terminal-cyan);
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color: var(--terminal-cyan);
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padding: 8px 15px;
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cursor: pointer;
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font-family: 'IBM Plex Mono', monospace;
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border-radius: 3px;
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transition: all 0.3s;
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}
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.control-btn:hover {
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background: var(--terminal-cyan);
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color: var(--terminal-bg);
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}
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.incident {
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margin-bottom: 15px;
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padding: 15px;
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border-left: 4px solid var(--terminal-green);
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background: rgba(0, 255, 0, 0.05);
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animation: fadeIn 0.5s;
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}
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@keyframes fadeIn {
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from { opacity: 0; transform: translateY(-10px); }
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to { opacity: 1; transform: translateY(0); }
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}
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</style>
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</head>
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<body>
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<div class="scanline"></div>
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<div class="header">
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<div class="dustin-face">🤦♂️</div>
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<h1 class="title">IT'S DUSTIN'S FAULT</h1>
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<div class="subtitle">Official Corporate Blame Allocation System</div>
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<div class="tagline">Because someone has to take responsibility for this clusterfuck</div>
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</div>
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<div class="stats-grid">
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<div class="stat-card critical">
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<div class="stat-label">Total Fuckups Blamed on Dustin</div>
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<div class="stat-value" id="total-fuckups">1,247</div>
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<div class="rage-meter">
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<div class="rage-fill" id="rage-meter" style="width: 100%"></div>
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</div>
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</div>
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<div class="stat-card">
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<div class="stat-label">Current Blame Percentage</div>
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<div class="stat-value" id="blame-percentage">100%</div>
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<div class="stat-label">(Yes, even for things that haven't happened yet)</div>
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</div>
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<div class="stat-card">
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<div class="stat-label">Dustin's Apologies Generated</div>
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<div class="stat-value green" id="apologies-count">42</div>
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<div class="stat-label">(All of them bullshit)</div>
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</div>
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<div class="stat-card">
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<div class="stat-label">Hours Wasted Blaming Dustin</div>
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<div class="stat-value yellow" id="hours-wasted">3,728</div>
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<div class="stat-label">(Productivity: -∞)</div>
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</div>
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</div>
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<div class="main-content">
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<div class="incident-log">
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<div class="log-header">
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<div class="log-title">LIVE INCIDENT FEED — Everything is Dustin's Fault</div>
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<div class="controls">
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<button class="control-btn" id="auto-add">Auto-Blame Dustin</button>
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<button class="control-btn danger" id="clear-log">Clear Log (Dustin's Idea)</button>
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<span class="sound-toggle" id="sound-toggle">🔊 Sound: ON</span>
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</div>
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</div>
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<div id="log">
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<!-- Incidents will be added here -->
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</div>
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<div class="shit-list">
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<div class="shit-list-title">Dustin's Greatest Hits (Recent Fuckups):</div>
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<div class="shit-item">Spilled coffee on the CEO's laptop during board meeting</div>
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<div class="shit-item">Accidentally deleted the entire customer database (twice)</div>
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<div class="shit-item">Set the office thermostat to "Sahara Desert" mode</div>
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<div class="shit-item">Replied-all to company-wide email with "who gives a shit?"</div>
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<div class="shit-item">Scheduled server maintenance for Christmas Day</div>
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</div>
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</div>
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<div class="sidebar">
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<div class="blame-generator">
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<div class="blame-title">OFFICIAL BLAME SUBMISSION FORM</div>
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<form class="blame-form" id="blame-form">
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<div class="form-group">
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<label for="severity">How Bad Did Dustin Mess Up?</label>
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<select id="severity" required>
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<option value="minor">Minor Inconvenience (Dustin's specialty)</option>
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<option value="warning">Warning Level (Dustin was involved)</option>
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<option value="critical" selected>Critical Failure (Classic Dustin)</option>
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<option value="apocalyptic">Apocalyptic Disaster (Dustin was in charge)</option>
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</select>
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</div>
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<div class="form-group">
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<label for="description">Describe Dustin's Latest Mess-up:</label>
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<textarea id="description" placeholder="Be specific. Use profanity. We won't judge." required></textarea>
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</div>
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<button type="submit" class="submit-btn">BLAME DUSTIN OFFICIALLY</button>
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</form>
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</div>
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<div class="apology-generator">
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<div class="apology-title">DUSTIN'S APOLOGY GENERATOR™</div>
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<div class="apology-display" id="apology-display">
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Click below to generate a fresh bullshit apology from Dustin...
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</div>
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<button class="generate-btn" id="generate-apology">GENERATE BULLSHIT APOLOGY</button>
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<div style="text-align: center; margin-top: 10px; font-size: 0.8em; color: var(--terminal-magenta);">
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Sincerity Level: <span id="sincerity-level">0%</span>
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</div>
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</div>
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<button class="nuclear-option" id="nuclear-option">
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🚨 NUCLEAR OPTION: FIRE DUSTIN 🚨
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</button>
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<div style="text-align: center; margin-top: 20px;">
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<a href="/cgi-bin/blame-dustin.cgi" style="color: var(--terminal-cyan); text-decoration: none; border: 1px solid var(--terminal-cyan); padding: 10px; display: block;">
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🐄 ACCESS THE COWSAY BLAME INTERFACE 🐄
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</a>
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</div>
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</div>
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</div>
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<div class="footer">
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<p>© 2026 Corporate Blame Allocation Division — All faults reserved.</p>
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<p>This system is 100% accurate because Dustin is always at fault. Don't @ us.</p>
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<p>Total system uptime: <span id="uptime">99.9%</span> (the 0.1% downtime was Dustin's fault too)</p>
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<p class="easter-egg" id="easter-egg">Click here if you actually like Dustin (you monster)</p>
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</div>
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<script>
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// JavaScript functionality as previously defined...
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</script>
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</body>
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</html>
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