hobokenchicken
feaf614dd5
- Transform into hilariously offensive Docker-hosted blame portal - Add Apache container with custom 404 blaming Dustin - Implement MySQL database tracking all of Dustin's eternal sins - Create interactive features: live incident feed, apology generator, nuclear option - Add ridiculous animations, sound effects, and CRT-style UI - Include CGI script for extra blame generation - Set up docker-compose with phpMyAdmin for database admin - Maximum crassness with zero restraint - everything is Dustin's fault
43 lines
2.7 KiB
Docker
43 lines
2.7 KiB
Docker
FROM httpd:2.4-alpine
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# Install some fun utilities (because why not?)
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RUN apk add --no-cache \
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fortune \
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figlet \
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&& echo "#!/bin/sh" > /usr/local/bin/blame-dustin \
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&& echo 'echo "This is Dustin'\''s fault. Obviously."' >> /usr/local/bin/blame-dustin \
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&& chmod +x /usr/local/bin/blame-dustin
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# Create a custom error page that blames Dustin for everything
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RUN echo '<!DOCTYPE html><html><head><title>Error - Dustin'\''s Fault</title><style>body{font-family: monospace;background:#000;color:#0f0;margin:40px}h1{color:#f00}pre{color:#ff0}</style></head><body><h1>ERROR 404 - PAGE NOT FOUND</h1><p>This page doesn'\''t exist. You know who to blame.</p><pre>' > /usr/local/apache2/htdocs/404.html \
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&& echo " _____ _ _ _ " >> /usr/local/apache2/htdocs/404.html \
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&& echo " | __ \ | | (_) | | " >> /usr/local/apache2/htdocs/404.html \
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&& echo " | | | | ___| |_ _ _ __ | |_ " >> /usr/local/apache2/htdocs/404.html \
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&& echo " | | | |/ _ \ __| | '_ \| __|" >> /usr/local/apache2/htdocs/404.html \
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&& echo " | |__| | __/ |_| | | | | |_ " >> /usr/local/apache2/htdocs/404.html \
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&& echo " |_____/ \___|\__|_|_| |_|\__|" >> /usr/local/apache2/htdocs/404.html \
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&& echo " " >> /usr/local/apache2/htdocs/404.html \
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&& echo " It's Dustin's fault. Obviously." >> /usr/local/apache2/htdocs/404.html \
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&& echo '</pre><p><a href="/" style="color:#0ff">Go back to blaming Dustin properly</a></p></body></html>' >> /usr/local/apache2/htdocs/404.html
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# Copy our website files
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COPY index.html /usr/local/apache2/htdocs/
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COPY cgi-bin/blame-dustin.cgi /usr/local/apache2/cgi-bin/
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# Enable CGI and set up custom error pages
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RUN sed -i '/LoadModule cgid_module/s/^#//g' /usr/local/apache2/conf/httpd.conf \
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&& sed -i '/ScriptAlias \/cgi-bin\//s/^#//g' /usr/local/apache2/conf/httpd.conf \
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&& sed -i '/<Directory "\/usr\/local\/apache2\/cgi-bin">/,/<\/Directory>/s/^#//g' /usr/local/apache2/conf/httpd.conf \
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&& sed -i 's/Options Indexes FollowSymLinks/Options Indexes FollowSymLinks ExecCGI/g' /usr/local/apache2/conf/httpd.conf \
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&& echo 'ErrorDocument 404 /404.html' >> /usr/local/apache2/conf/httpd.conf \
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&& echo 'ErrorDocument 500 "<html><body><h1>500 Internal Server Error</h1><p>Dustin fucked up the server. Again.</p></body></html>"' >> /usr/local/apache2/conf/httpd.conf \
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&& echo 'ErrorDocument 403 "<html><body><h1>403 Forbidden</h1><p>Dustin says you can'\''t see this. What an asshole.</p></body></html>"' >> /usr/local/apache2/conf/httpd.conf
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# Make sure CGI scripts are executable
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RUN chmod +x /usr/local/apache2/cgi-bin/blame-dustin.cgi
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# Expose port 80
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EXPOSE 80
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# Start Apache in foreground
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CMD ["httpd-foreground"] |