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IT'S FUCKING DUSTIN'S FAULT

Official Corporate Blame Allocation System
Because someone has to take responsibility for this clusterfuck
Total Fuckups Blamed on Dustin
1,247
Current Blame Percentage
100%
(Yes, even for things that haven't happened yet)
Dustin's Apologies Generated
42
(All of them bullshit)
Hours Wasted Blaming Dustin
3,728
(Productivity: -∞)
LIVE INCIDENT FEED — Everything is Dustin's Fault
🔊 Sound: ON
Dustin's Greatest Hits (Recent Fuckups):
Spilled coffee on the CEO's laptop during board meeting
Accidentally deleted the entire customer database (twice)
Set the office thermostat to \"Sahara Desert\" mode
Replied-all to company-wide email with \"who gives a shit?\"
Scheduled server maintenance for Christmas Day
OFFICIAL BLAME SUBMISSION FORM
DUSTIN'S APOLOGY GENERATOR™
Click below to generate a fresh bullshit apology from Dustin...
Sincerity Level: 0%
🐮 ACCESS THE COWSAY BLAME INTERFACE 🐮

© 2026 Corporate Blame Allocation Division — All faults reserved.

This system is 100% accurate because Dustin is always at fault. Don't @ us.

Total system uptime: 99.9% (the 0.1% downtime was Dustin's fault too)

Click here if you actually like Dustin (you monster)