feat: unleash maximum chaos with 'IT'S FUCKING DUSTIN'S FAULT' website
- Transform into hilariously offensive Docker-hosted blame portal - Add Apache container with custom 404 blaming Dustin - Implement MySQL database tracking all of Dustin's eternal sins - Create interactive features: live incident feed, apology generator, nuclear option - Add ridiculous animations, sound effects, and CRT-style UI - Include CGI script for extra blame generation - Set up docker-compose with phpMyAdmin for database admin - Maximum crassness with zero restraint - everything is Dustin's fault
This commit is contained in:
14
.gitignore
vendored
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14
.gitignore
vendored
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# Database and log files (generated at runtime)
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mysql-data/
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logs/
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# Node modules (if any)
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node_modules/
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# OS generated files
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.DS_Store
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Thumbs.db
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# Temporary files
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*.tmp
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*.temp
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43
Dockerfile
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43
Dockerfile
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FROM httpd:2.4-alpine
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# Install some fun utilities (because why not?)
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RUN apk add --no-cache \
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fortune \
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figlet \
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&& echo "#!/bin/sh" > /usr/local/bin/blame-dustin \
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&& echo 'echo "This is Dustin'\''s fault. Obviously."' >> /usr/local/bin/blame-dustin \
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&& chmod +x /usr/local/bin/blame-dustin
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# Create a custom error page that blames Dustin for everything
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RUN echo '<!DOCTYPE html><html><head><title>Error - Dustin'\''s Fault</title><style>body{font-family: monospace;background:#000;color:#0f0;margin:40px}h1{color:#f00}pre{color:#ff0}</style></head><body><h1>ERROR 404 - PAGE NOT FOUND</h1><p>This page doesn'\''t exist. You know who to blame.</p><pre>' > /usr/local/apache2/htdocs/404.html \
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&& echo " _____ _ _ _ " >> /usr/local/apache2/htdocs/404.html \
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&& echo " | __ \ | | (_) | | " >> /usr/local/apache2/htdocs/404.html \
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&& echo " | | | | ___| |_ _ _ __ | |_ " >> /usr/local/apache2/htdocs/404.html \
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&& echo " | | | |/ _ \ __| | '_ \| __|" >> /usr/local/apache2/htdocs/404.html \
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&& echo " | |__| | __/ |_| | | | | |_ " >> /usr/local/apache2/htdocs/404.html \
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&& echo " |_____/ \___|\__|_|_| |_|\__|" >> /usr/local/apache2/htdocs/404.html \
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&& echo " " >> /usr/local/apache2/htdocs/404.html \
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&& echo " It's Dustin's fault. Obviously." >> /usr/local/apache2/htdocs/404.html \
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&& echo '</pre><p><a href="/" style="color:#0ff">Go back to blaming Dustin properly</a></p></body></html>' >> /usr/local/apache2/htdocs/404.html
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# Copy our website files
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COPY index.html /usr/local/apache2/htdocs/
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COPY cgi-bin/blame-dustin.cgi /usr/local/apache2/cgi-bin/
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# Enable CGI and set up custom error pages
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RUN sed -i '/LoadModule cgid_module/s/^#//g' /usr/local/apache2/conf/httpd.conf \
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&& sed -i '/ScriptAlias \/cgi-bin\//s/^#//g' /usr/local/apache2/conf/httpd.conf \
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&& sed -i '/<Directory "\/usr\/local\/apache2\/cgi-bin">/,/<\/Directory>/s/^#//g' /usr/local/apache2/conf/httpd.conf \
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&& sed -i 's/Options Indexes FollowSymLinks/Options Indexes FollowSymLinks ExecCGI/g' /usr/local/apache2/conf/httpd.conf \
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&& echo 'ErrorDocument 404 /404.html' >> /usr/local/apache2/conf/httpd.conf \
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&& echo 'ErrorDocument 500 "<html><body><h1>500 Internal Server Error</h1><p>Dustin fucked up the server. Again.</p></body></html>"' >> /usr/local/apache2/conf/httpd.conf \
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&& echo 'ErrorDocument 403 "<html><body><h1>403 Forbidden</h1><p>Dustin says you can'\''t see this. What an asshole.</p></body></html>"' >> /usr/local/apache2/conf/httpd.conf
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# Make sure CGI scripts are executable
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RUN chmod +x /usr/local/apache2/cgi-bin/blame-dustin.cgi
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# Expose port 80
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EXPOSE 80
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# Start Apache in foreground
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CMD ["httpd-foreground"]
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90
README.md
90
README.md
@@ -1,34 +1,82 @@
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# itsdustinsfault.com
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# IT'S FUCKING DUSTIN'S FAULT — OFFICIAL BLAME PORTAL
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## Overview
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## Overview
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Terminal-style incident dashboard where **everything** is Dustin's fault. Absurd corporate IT humor for Dustin's friends.
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The most offensive, hilarious, and utterly ridiculous website ever created. A Docker-hosted Apache monstrosity that blames everything on Dustin with maximum crassness and zero fucks given.
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**Live Demo:** [itsdustinsfault.com](https://itsdustinsfault.com) (once deployed)
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**Live Demo:** [itsdustinsfault.com](https://itsdustinsfault.com) (once deployed)
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## Features
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## Features
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- Live auto-generating incidents blaming Dustin
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- **LIVE INCIDENT FEED**: Auto-generating fuckups blamed on Dustin (every 5 seconds)
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- File your own reports (always Dustin's fault)
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- **OFFICIAL BLAME SUBMISSION FORM**: File your own reports of Dustin's latest bullshit
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- Typing animations, sound effects (toggleable), CRT glitches
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- **DUSTIN'S APOLOGY GENERATOR™**: Generates bullshit apologies with sincerity ratings
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- Stats counters & ASCII fault graph
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- **NUCLEAR OPTION**: Attempt to fire Dustin (spoiler: it won't work)
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- Easter egg: \"dustin innocent\" → +100 faults!
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- **SOUND EFFECTS & ANIMATIONS**: Beeps, glitches, and rage meters
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- **COWSAY CGI INTERFACE**: Because why not have a CGI script that blames Dustin using cowsay?
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- **MYSLQL DATABASE**: Tracks all of Dustin's sins in a proper database
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- **PHPMyAdmin**: View the database of Dustin's eternal damnation
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- **RIDICULOUS STATS**: Fuckup counters, rage meters, and fake uptime percentages
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- **EASTER EGGS**: Click if you actually like Dustin (you monster)
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## Tech
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## Tech Stack (Overkill Edition)
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- Single `index.html` (vanilla HTML/CSS/JS)
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- **Docker & Docker Compose**: Full containerized deployment
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- Responsive, PWA-ready, zero dependencies
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- **Apache HTTPD**: Serving static files and CGI scripts
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- **MySQL**: Database of Dustin's eternal sins
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- **PHPMyAdmin**: Admin interface for viewing Dustin's fuckups
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- **Vanilla HTML/CSS/JS**: No frameworks, because Dustin would fuck that up too
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- **Web Audio API**: For obnoxious sound effects
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- **Cowsay & Fortune**: CGI scripts because we're living in 1995
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## Local Run
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## Docker Deployment
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```bash
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```bash
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# Just open in browser
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# Start the entire blame ecosystem
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open index.html
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docker-compose up -d
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# or
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python -m http.server 8000
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# Access the main site
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# http://localhost:8080
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# Access phpMyAdmin (to view Dustin's sins)
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# http://localhost:8081
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# Username: dustin
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# Password: blame_me
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```
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```
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## Deploy
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## Local Development
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1. Drag `index.html` to Netlify/Vercel
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```bash
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2. Point DNS to itsdustinsfault.com
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# Just open in browser (for cowards)
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open index.html
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## Screenshots
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# Or run the full Docker stack
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[Add later]
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docker-compose up
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```
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© 2026 Dustin Fault Monitoring Division
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## Architecture
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```
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dustins-fault-website/
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├── index.html # The main blame portal
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├── Dockerfile # Apache container with cowsay & fortune
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├── docker-compose.yml # Full stack with MySQL & phpMyAdmin
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├── cgi-bin/
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│ └── blame-dustin.cgi # CGI script for cowsay blaming
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├── mysql-init/
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│ └── 01-init.sql # Database schema & sample fuckups
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├── logs/ # Apache logs
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├── mysql-data/ # Persistent database storage
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└── README.md # This file
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```
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## Database Schema
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The MySQL database tracks:
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- Individual fuckups with severity levels
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- Dustin's bullshit apologies
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- Blame statistics and mood tracking
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- Automated daily fuckup insertion
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## Contributing
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1. Think of something even more offensive
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2. Add it to the codebase
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3. Blame Dustin for any bugs
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## Legal Disclaimer
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This website is pure satire and contains extreme profanity. If you're offended, it's probably Dustin's fault anyway.
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© 2026 Corporate Blame Allocation Division — All faults reserved. Dustin takes full responsibility.
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92
cgi-bin/blame-dustin.cgi
Executable file
92
cgi-bin/blame-dustin.cgi
Executable file
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#!/bin/sh
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echo "Content-type: text/html"
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echo ""
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cat << EOF
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<!DOCTYPE html>
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<html>
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<head>
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<title>Blame Dustin - CGI Edition</title>
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<style>
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body {
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font-family: 'Courier New', monospace;
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background: #000;
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color: #0f0;
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margin: 40px;
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text-align: center;
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}
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h1 {
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color: #f00;
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text-shadow: 0 0 10px #f00;
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font-size: 3em;
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}
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pre {
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color: #ff0;
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font-size: 1.2em;
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text-align: left;
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display: inline-block;
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background: #111;
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padding: 20px;
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border: 2px solid #f00;
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border-radius: 10px;
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}
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.apology {
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color: #0ff;
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font-size: 1.5em;
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margin: 30px;
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padding: 20px;
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border: 1px dashed #0ff;
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background: rgba(0, 255, 255, 0.1);
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}
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.blame-button {
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background: #f00;
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color: #000;
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border: none;
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padding: 15px 30px;
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font-size: 1.2em;
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font-weight: bold;
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cursor: pointer;
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margin: 20px;
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border-radius: 5px;
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}
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.blame-button:hover {
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background: #ff0;
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color: #f00;
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}
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</style>
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</head>
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<body>
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<h1>OFFICIAL DUSTIN BLAMING INTERFACE</h1>
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<pre>
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$(/usr/bin/fortune)
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</pre>
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<p><b>Dustin's fault level:</b> $(echo $((RANDOM % 100 + 1)) )%</p>
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<p><b>Figlet says:</b></p>
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<pre>
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$(echo "DUSTIN'S FAULT" | /usr/bin/figlet)
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</pre>
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<div class="apology">
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$(echo "I'm sorry. It's my fault. I fucked up." | /usr/bin/lolcat)
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</div>
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<h2>BLAME LEVEL: MAXIMUM</h2>
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<p>Current blame allocation: <span style="color:#f00;font-size:2em;">100%</span> Dustin's Fault</p>
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||||||
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<form action="/cgi-bin/blame-dustin.cgi" method="post">
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<input type="hidden" name="blame" value="more">
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<button type="submit" class="blame-button">BLAME DUSTIN EVEN HARDER</button>
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|
</form>
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|
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<p><a href="/" style="color:#0ff;">← Back to the main blame portal</a></p>
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|
|
||||||
|
<hr>
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|
<small>Server time: $(date)<br>
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This page has been viewed $(echo $RANDOM) times by people blaming Dustin.<br>
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|
Total apologies generated: $(echo $((RANDOM * 1000)))</small>
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||||||
|
</body>
|
||||||
|
</html>
|
||||||
|
EOF
|
||||||
62
docker-compose.yml
Normal file
62
docker-compose.yml
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,62 @@
|
|||||||
|
version: '3.8'
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
|
services:
|
||||||
|
dustins-fault:
|
||||||
|
build: .
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||||||
|
container_name: dustins-fault-website
|
||||||
|
ports:
|
||||||
|
- "8080:80"
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||||||
|
- "8443:443" # Because why not have HTTPS for a joke site?
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||||||
|
volumes:
|
||||||
|
- ./logs:/usr/local/apache2/logs
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||||||
|
environment:
|
||||||
|
- APACHE_RUN_USER=www-data
|
||||||
|
- APACHE_RUN_GROUP=www-data
|
||||||
|
- APACHE_LOG_DIR=/usr/local/apache2/logs
|
||||||
|
- TZ=America/New_York
|
||||||
|
restart: unless-stopped
|
||||||
|
networks:
|
||||||
|
- dustins-fault-net
|
||||||
|
labels:
|
||||||
|
- "com.dustinsfault.description=Website blaming Dustin for everything"
|
||||||
|
- "com.dustinsfault.blame-level=maximum"
|
||||||
|
- "com.dustinsfault.apologies-required=infinite"
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
|
# Because why not add a MySQL database to track all the things Dustin has fucked up?
|
||||||
|
dustins-fault-db:
|
||||||
|
image: mysql:8.0
|
||||||
|
container_name: dustins-fault-database
|
||||||
|
environment:
|
||||||
|
- MYSQL_ROOT_PASSWORD=itsdustinsfault
|
||||||
|
- MYSQL_DATABASE=dustins_faults
|
||||||
|
- MYSQL_USER=dustin
|
||||||
|
- MYSQL_PASSWORD=blame_me
|
||||||
|
volumes:
|
||||||
|
- ./mysql-data:/var/lib/mysql
|
||||||
|
- ./mysql-init:/docker-entrypoint-initdb.d
|
||||||
|
networks:
|
||||||
|
- dustins-fault-net
|
||||||
|
restart: unless-stopped
|
||||||
|
labels:
|
||||||
|
- "com.dustinsfault.purpose=Track Dustin's endless fuckups"
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
|
# And a phpMyAdmin because we're fancy like that
|
||||||
|
phpmyadmin:
|
||||||
|
image: phpmyadmin/phpmyadmin
|
||||||
|
container_name: dustins-fault-phpmyadmin
|
||||||
|
environment:
|
||||||
|
- PMA_HOST=dustins-fault-db
|
||||||
|
- PMA_PORT=3306
|
||||||
|
- PMA_ARBITRARY=1
|
||||||
|
ports:
|
||||||
|
- "8081:80"
|
||||||
|
networks:
|
||||||
|
- dustins-fault-net
|
||||||
|
restart: unless-stopped
|
||||||
|
labels:
|
||||||
|
- "com.dustinsfault.purpose=View database of Dustin's sins"
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
|
networks:
|
||||||
|
dustins-fault-net:
|
||||||
|
driver: bridge
|
||||||
|
name: dustins-fault-network
|
||||||
1034
index.html
1034
index.html
File diff suppressed because it is too large
Load Diff
104
mysql-init/01-init.sql
Normal file
104
mysql-init/01-init.sql
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,104 @@
|
|||||||
|
-- Database of Dustin's Faults
|
||||||
|
-- Because we need to track this shit properly
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
|
CREATE DATABASE IF NOT EXISTS dustins_faults;
|
||||||
|
USE dustins_faults;
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
|
-- Table for tracking individual fuckups
|
||||||
|
CREATE TABLE IF NOT EXISTS fuckups (
|
||||||
|
id INT AUTO_INCREMENT PRIMARY KEY,
|
||||||
|
timestamp DATETIME DEFAULT CURRENT_TIMESTAMP,
|
||||||
|
description TEXT NOT NULL,
|
||||||
|
severity ENUM('minor', 'major', 'catastrophic', 'apocalyptic') DEFAULT 'major',
|
||||||
|
blame_percentage INT DEFAULT 100 CHECK (blame_percentage BETWEEN 0 AND 100),
|
||||||
|
dustin_excuse TEXT,
|
||||||
|
created_by VARCHAR(255) DEFAULT 'Anonymous Blamer'
|
||||||
|
);
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
|
-- Table for Dustin's apologies (mostly empty)
|
||||||
|
CREATE TABLE IF NOT EXISTS apologies (
|
||||||
|
id INT AUTO_INCREMENT PRIMARY KEY,
|
||||||
|
fuckup_id INT,
|
||||||
|
apology_text TEXT,
|
||||||
|
sincerity_level ENUM('none', 'low', 'medium', 'high', 'bullshit') DEFAULT 'bullshit',
|
||||||
|
apology_date DATETIME DEFAULT CURRENT_TIMESTAMP,
|
||||||
|
FOREIGN KEY (fuckup_id) REFERENCES fuckups(id) ON DELETE CASCADE
|
||||||
|
);
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
|
-- Table for blame statistics
|
||||||
|
CREATE TABLE IF NOT EXISTS blame_stats (
|
||||||
|
id INT AUTO_INCREMENT PRIMARY KEY,
|
||||||
|
date DATE UNIQUE,
|
||||||
|
total_fuckups INT DEFAULT 0,
|
||||||
|
avg_blame_percentage DECIMAL(5,2) DEFAULT 100.00,
|
||||||
|
dustin_mood ENUM('defensive', 'apologetic', 'denial', 'blames_others') DEFAULT 'defensive'
|
||||||
|
);
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
|
-- Insert some initial data because Dustin has been busy
|
||||||
|
INSERT INTO fuckups (description, severity, dustin_excuse) VALUES
|
||||||
|
('Forgot to commit code before leaving for the day', 'catastrophic', 'My cat stepped on the keyboard'),
|
||||||
|
('Pushed to production on Friday at 4:55 PM', 'apocalyptic', 'I wanted to get a head start on Monday'),
|
||||||
|
('Deleted the production database instead of staging', 'apocalyptic', 'The buttons looked the same'),
|
||||||
|
('Spilled coffee on the server rack', 'major', 'The cup was slippery'),
|
||||||
|
('Set password to "password123" for "security"', 'major', 'I wanted to make it easy for everyone'),
|
||||||
|
('Scheduled maintenance during peak hours', 'catastrophic', 'I thought nobody would notice'),
|
||||||
|
('Used Comic Sans in the company presentation', 'minor', 'It looked friendly'),
|
||||||
|
('Accidentally replied all to company-wide email with "this meeting could have been an email"', 'major', 'My finger slipped');
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
|
-- Insert corresponding apologies (all bullshit, obviously)
|
||||||
|
INSERT INTO apologies (fuckup_id, apology_text, sincerity_level) VALUES
|
||||||
|
(1, 'Sorry not sorry, the cat made me do it', 'bullshit'),
|
||||||
|
(2, 'My bad, but have you tried working on weekends?', 'none'),
|
||||||
|
(3, 'Oopsie daisy! At least we have backups... right?', 'low'),
|
||||||
|
(4, 'The coffee was really good though, worth it', 'none'),
|
||||||
|
(5, 'Security through obscurity is overrated', 'bullshit'),
|
||||||
|
(6, 'I was optimizing for my own schedule', 'none'),
|
||||||
|
(7, 'Comic Sans is underappreciated', 'medium'),
|
||||||
|
(8, 'We all were thinking it, I just said it', 'high');
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
|
-- Create a view for the worst offenses
|
||||||
|
CREATE VIEW worst_fuckups AS
|
||||||
|
SELECT
|
||||||
|
f.*,
|
||||||
|
a.apology_text,
|
||||||
|
a.sincerity_level
|
||||||
|
FROM fuckups f
|
||||||
|
LEFT JOIN apologies a ON f.id = a.fuckup_id
|
||||||
|
WHERE f.severity IN ('catastrophic', 'apocalyptic')
|
||||||
|
ORDER BY f.timestamp DESC;
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
|
-- Create a stored procedure to add new fuckups
|
||||||
|
DELIMITER //
|
||||||
|
CREATE PROCEDURE add_fuckup(
|
||||||
|
IN p_description TEXT,
|
||||||
|
IN p_severity VARCHAR(20),
|
||||||
|
IN p_excuse TEXT,
|
||||||
|
IN p_blamer VARCHAR(255)
|
||||||
|
)
|
||||||
|
BEGIN
|
||||||
|
INSERT INTO fuckups (description, severity, dustin_excuse, created_by)
|
||||||
|
VALUES (p_description, p_severity, p_excuse, p_blamer);
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
|
-- Auto-add a bullshit apology
|
||||||
|
INSERT INTO apologies (fuckup_id, apology_text, sincerity_level)
|
||||||
|
VALUES (LAST_INSERT_ID(),
|
||||||
|
CONCAT('I''m sorry you feel that way about ', p_description),
|
||||||
|
'bullshit');
|
||||||
|
END //
|
||||||
|
DELIMITER ;
|
||||||
|
|
||||||
|
-- Create an event to auto-add daily fuckups (because Dustin is consistent)
|
||||||
|
DELIMITER //
|
||||||
|
CREATE EVENT daily_dustin_fuckup
|
||||||
|
ON SCHEDULE EVERY 1 DAY
|
||||||
|
STARTS CURRENT_TIMESTAMP
|
||||||
|
DO
|
||||||
|
BEGIN
|
||||||
|
CALL add_fuckup(
|
||||||
|
CONCAT('Daily fuckup #', FLOOR(RAND() * 1000)),
|
||||||
|
ELT(FLOOR(RAND() * 4) + 1, 'minor', 'major', 'catastrophic', 'apocalyptic'),
|
||||||
|
ELT(FLOOR(RAND() * 5) + 1, 'It was Tuesday', 'The stars were misaligned', 'I was hungry', 'My horoscope said so', 'Aliens'),
|
||||||
|
'Auto-Blame-Bot 3000'
|
||||||
|
);
|
||||||
|
END //
|
||||||
|
DELIMITER ;
|
||||||
Reference in New Issue
Block a user