feat: unleash maximum chaos with 'IT'S FUCKING DUSTIN'S FAULT' website

- Transform into hilariously offensive Docker-hosted blame portal
- Add Apache container with custom 404 blaming Dustin
- Implement MySQL database tracking all of Dustin's eternal sins
- Create interactive features: live incident feed, apology generator, nuclear option
- Add ridiculous animations, sound effects, and CRT-style UI
- Include CGI script for extra blame generation
- Set up docker-compose with phpMyAdmin for database admin
- Maximum crassness with zero restraint - everything is Dustin's fault

mysql-init/01-init.sql

@@ -0,0 +1,104 @@
+-- Database of Dustin's Faults
+-- Because we need to track this shit properly
+
+CREATE DATABASE IF NOT EXISTS dustins_faults;
+USE dustins_faults;
+
+-- Table for tracking individual fuckups
+CREATE TABLE IF NOT EXISTS fuckups (
+    id INT AUTO_INCREMENT PRIMARY KEY,
+    timestamp DATETIME DEFAULT CURRENT_TIMESTAMP,
+    description TEXT NOT NULL,
+    severity ENUM('minor', 'major', 'catastrophic', 'apocalyptic') DEFAULT 'major',
+    blame_percentage INT DEFAULT 100 CHECK (blame_percentage BETWEEN 0 AND 100),
+    dustin_excuse TEXT,
+    created_by VARCHAR(255) DEFAULT 'Anonymous Blamer'
+);
+
+-- Table for Dustin's apologies (mostly empty)
+CREATE TABLE IF NOT EXISTS apologies (
+    id INT AUTO_INCREMENT PRIMARY KEY,
+    fuckup_id INT,
+    apology_text TEXT,
+    sincerity_level ENUM('none', 'low', 'medium', 'high', 'bullshit') DEFAULT 'bullshit',
+    apology_date DATETIME DEFAULT CURRENT_TIMESTAMP,
+    FOREIGN KEY (fuckup_id) REFERENCES fuckups(id) ON DELETE CASCADE
+);
+
+-- Table for blame statistics
+CREATE TABLE IF NOT EXISTS blame_stats (
+    id INT AUTO_INCREMENT PRIMARY KEY,
+    date DATE UNIQUE,
+    total_fuckups INT DEFAULT 0,
+    avg_blame_percentage DECIMAL(5,2) DEFAULT 100.00,
+    dustin_mood ENUM('defensive', 'apologetic', 'denial', 'blames_others') DEFAULT 'defensive'
+);
+
+-- Insert some initial data because Dustin has been busy
+INSERT INTO fuckups (description, severity, dustin_excuse) VALUES
+('Forgot to commit code before leaving for the day', 'catastrophic', 'My cat stepped on the keyboard'),
+('Pushed to production on Friday at 4:55 PM', 'apocalyptic', 'I wanted to get a head start on Monday'),
+('Deleted the production database instead of staging', 'apocalyptic', 'The buttons looked the same'),
+('Spilled coffee on the server rack', 'major', 'The cup was slippery'),
+('Set password to "password123" for "security"', 'major', 'I wanted to make it easy for everyone'),
+('Scheduled maintenance during peak hours', 'catastrophic', 'I thought nobody would notice'),
+('Used Comic Sans in the company presentation', 'minor', 'It looked friendly'),
+('Accidentally replied all to company-wide email with "this meeting could have been an email"', 'major', 'My finger slipped');
+
+-- Insert corresponding apologies (all bullshit, obviously)
+INSERT INTO apologies (fuckup_id, apology_text, sincerity_level) VALUES
+(1, 'Sorry not sorry, the cat made me do it', 'bullshit'),
+(2, 'My bad, but have you tried working on weekends?', 'none'),
+(3, 'Oopsie daisy! At least we have backups... right?', 'low'),
+(4, 'The coffee was really good though, worth it', 'none'),
+(5, 'Security through obscurity is overrated', 'bullshit'),
+(6, 'I was optimizing for my own schedule', 'none'),
+(7, 'Comic Sans is underappreciated', 'medium'),
+(8, 'We all were thinking it, I just said it', 'high');
+
+-- Create a view for the worst offenses
+CREATE VIEW worst_fuckups AS
+SELECT 
+    f.*,
+    a.apology_text,
+    a.sincerity_level
+FROM fuckups f
+LEFT JOIN apologies a ON f.id = a.fuckup_id
+WHERE f.severity IN ('catastrophic', 'apocalyptic')
+ORDER BY f.timestamp DESC;
+
+-- Create a stored procedure to add new fuckups
+DELIMITER //
+CREATE PROCEDURE add_fuckup(
+    IN p_description TEXT,
+    IN p_severity VARCHAR(20),
+    IN p_excuse TEXT,
+    IN p_blamer VARCHAR(255)
+)
+BEGIN
+    INSERT INTO fuckups (description, severity, dustin_excuse, created_by)
+    VALUES (p_description, p_severity, p_excuse, p_blamer);
+    
+    -- Auto-add a bullshit apology
+    INSERT INTO apologies (fuckup_id, apology_text, sincerity_level)
+    VALUES (LAST_INSERT_ID(), 
+            CONCAT('I''m sorry you feel that way about ', p_description),
+            'bullshit');
+END //
+DELIMITER ;
+
+-- Create an event to auto-add daily fuckups (because Dustin is consistent)
+DELIMITER //
+CREATE EVENT daily_dustin_fuckup
+ON SCHEDULE EVERY 1 DAY
+STARTS CURRENT_TIMESTAMP
+DO
+BEGIN
+    CALL add_fuckup(
+        CONCAT('Daily fuckup #', FLOOR(RAND() * 1000)),
+        ELT(FLOOR(RAND() * 4) + 1, 'minor', 'major', 'catastrophic', 'apocalyptic'),
+        ELT(FLOOR(RAND() * 5) + 1, 'It was Tuesday', 'The stars were misaligned', 'I was hungry', 'My horoscope said so', 'Aliens'),
+        'Auto-Blame-Bot 3000'
+    );
+END //
+DELIMITER ;